Monday 17 September 2007

The Sebastian Flyte/Lighthope Letters!

Give or take a bit of kinky girl action (which I must do more of some time - hey, it got Steve Moffat to where he is today, so don't knock it), this blog has been split more or less evenly between the demented insanity of Ben Chatham and the introverted delusions of Everlasting Films/DWADs.

After having the Season Four Pitch inflicted on us, we decided to make someone else suffer. After all, an arrogant, talentless homophobic twat is perfect fodder for the DWADs, considering they've had companions ranging from a recast Sarah Jane Smith to a deaf mute...

We sent off the giant rat two parter, confident that the homosexual date rapes, giant otters and infanticide would make a great audio. After changing Donna's name to Moira, we sent off the unchanged synopsis...

This is their reply

Sebastian,
Greetings. Please forgive the delay in
replying.
The Rats of Tenbury - by Sebastian Flyte
Thank you for your interest in our production of The
Doctor Who Audio Dramas.
After careful consideration of your story, we feel that
it does not meet our needs.
Thank you again for your interest.
In Jesus,
Lighthope

...which actually turned out to be twice as disturbing a reaction than expected.

But it lacked the ferocious disgust that, it seems, only JNT or RTD could provide. So we tried again, deciding on the brutal UNIT/Silurian slaughter, and again changed only Donna to Moira and left Ben in the story. Surely this would get some kind of reaction?

Sebastian,
Greetings.
Thank you for your interest in our production of
The Doctor Who Audio Dramas.

After careful consideration of your story, we
find that we are not able to use it. According to the writer's guide, you
may not use reoccurring monsters such as the Silurians and Sea
Devils.

Thank you again for your
interest.

In Jesus,
Lighthope

Not exactly the reaction we were hoping for. I mean, that's it? Out of all the pointless genocide, rural stereotypes and mindless plot turns... they chucked it because the monsters were Silurians? Despite the fact they didn't even act like Silurians?!

This was serious, so we sent him Cavaliers. This time, we didn't even change Donna to Moira and left it intact.

Surely this would be the straw that gave the dromedary osteoperosis?


Sebastian,
Greetings.
CAVALIERS - by Sebastian Flyte
Thank you for your interest in our production of The Doctor Who Audio
Dramas.
You have an interesting story that is slightly reminiscent of both King's Demons and a recent DW story who's name escapes me at the moment.
Unfortunately, we feel this story isn't quite what we're looking for at the moment.
However, like I said it was an interesting idea. If you would like to make another submission, we would be honoured to consider it.
In Jesus,
Lighthope
Now, we're thinking: shit, this could get out of hand.

We sent out the final salvo, all we had left. And we said Big Finish were interested.

The reply we got was even more disturbing.
Sebastian,
Greetings.
Thank you for your interest in our production of
The Doctor Who Audio Dramas.
ACORN MAN - by Sebastian Flyte

I have to admit that this is something of a surreal story. I do like these kinds of stories as they lend themselves to be real creepy.

All around the room are books on the occult. The Doctor recognises Gabriel Decavenar, the UK’s leading black magician. In his dead hand are three acorns and a sprig of woodbine. Outside the window a man walks quickly away from the house. It is Stephen Poole.

You'll have to forgive me, but neither of these names ring a bell with me, so I am lost as to their significance.

Meanwhile Ben awakes to find himself in a stables

Who is Ben?
One concern I have is that the story merely consists of set pieces without a strong plot holding things together. Of course, this could be because the synopsis you submitted went into detail here and there, making the story seem threadbare. Why is the physic presence trying to destroy them? What do Decavenar and Poole have to do with it? What about the three acorns and woodbine?
Can you give a bit more clarification of the story?
In Jesus,
Lighthope

While normally a cluelessness about Stephen Poole and Ben Chatham would be completely forgotten... they had been in EVERY SINGLE STORY sent to them. Had these purveyors of quality fan entertainment actually FORGOTTEN to read it?

This, coupled with the horror of what Spara could be like if he found out he'd got an actual audio play created, made us call it quits. Apart from anything else, I'd probably end up having to review the bloody thing for this blog!

However, it goes to show that Ben Chatham COULD make it to the big time if anyone was actually prepared to do any work about it.

Something for the kids there.

10 comments:

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

OH...MY...GOD!

Acorn Man?! The single least-suited to audio story that Spara has ever written? Jesus Christ...

They still had reservations about it, though.. but for all the wrong reasons.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO MY PITCH!!

Youth of Australia said...

Sorry. I would have warned you, but I didn't know you were pitching to them...

FWIW, I pitched my Caribbean Blue plot, The Enemy Within and No Control.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

...they turned down EW?!?

When did they do that story - Warriors of Apshai?!

Man, you're making me like these cretins less and less...

Youth of Australia said...

...they turned down EW?!?
Like the proverbial hot brick.

When did they do that story - Warriors of Apshai?!
Apparently not. I quote them:

You have a very good, interesting idea. We haven't done a Haunted House story since Morningstar Manor. Unfortunately, we feel is bears too much similarity to a story we just did called Hortima Prima and so we have to take a pass on this one.

Man, you're making me like these cretins less and less...
Just telling the truth.

The other two got the exact same reply:

This was a very interesting story. In fact, we just did something very reminiscent of it. Which unfortunately means that we can not use this idea at this time.

Youth of Australia said...

Oh God. I found out the titles for the stories they've accepted...

The Edge of Destruction
Masks of Lorca
The Timelords of Gallifrey
After Dark
Spectrum V
Up from the Deep
Empire of the Bandrills


I give up.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Oh God. I found out the titles for the stories they've accepted...

The Edge of Destruction


Hey, c'mon! That's a really good one. In fact, I'm surprised real DW hasn't used it yet...

The Timelords of Gallifrey

For a moment there I was worried it might be the Timelords of Kyrpton...

After Dark

Hmm, not ENTIRELY crap...

Spectrum V

I'm hoping they haven't seriously named a planet after an array of visible colours...

Up from the Deep

...I'm sure you've already had the same thoughts of "They ARE doing Sea Devils", "They could barely be arsed to change the title" and the obvious erection jokes, so I'll skip right over this one.

Empire of the Bandrills

...are you sure they aren't taking the piss?

Though, mind you, I've had thoughts about a BF 'in the vein' of Omega, Master, Dalek and Davros entitled "Myrka", so I'm probably not one to talk...

Youth of Australia said...

Hey, c'mon! That's a really good one. In fact, I'm surprised real DW hasn't used it yet...
Mm.

Looking around, the DWADS have also perpetrated:
The Faceless Ones
Hourney into Terror
Day of the Daleks
Deadly Assassins
Logopolis
The Power of Traken
Revenge of the Cybermen
The Brown Death
The Underwater Menace

and others...

...I'm sure you've already had the same thoughts of "They ARE doing Sea Devils", "They could barely be arsed to change the title" and the obvious erection jokes, so I'll skip right over this one.
Smart.

...are you sure they aren't taking the piss?
I pray so.

Though, mind you, I've had thoughts about a BF 'in the vein' of Omega, Master, Dalek and Davros entitled "Myrka", so I'm probably not one to talk...
My "Planet of Taran Wood Beasts" will be the one RTD rips off, mark my words!

Anonymous said...

When I did it, I sent off a story which involved illigitimate babies who were going to be born out of wedlock, an oppressive religious society and an unmarried couple... I sent it off... and they wanted to make it.

But they didn't won't the unmarried couple, they wanted me to have the couple secretly married because 'of the audience'. I sent them a very empassioned e-mail about why they shouldn't be married (because the story was about people struggling against the rules of an oppressive, dominant religious movement.

They sent me back an e-mail saying 'But, to bottom-line this, this is kind of a line-in-the-sand for us. Especially for the audience we get. They have to be married. No ceremony, no nothing. Just something simple and dangerous like "We were illegally married. We made our vows to each other in front of some friends." or something like that. It would certainly add to their status of fugitives.

I certainly won't trespass on your artistic integrity. If you don't want them to be married, then definitely don't change your story. I fully support you. But we then we can't use it. Artistic integrity on our part, you see?'

Am I the only one glad I'm not at all religious?

Youth of Australia said...

My dad was a priest from a strong Catholic family... but that little essay is two steps away from "Strange Fruit" if you get the reference...

Anonymous said...

Good words.