BRISTOL
Parte the First - Pissweak Cliffhanger Reprise Retcon
The TARDIS lands in the grounds of The Cedars Private Clinic For Absolute Fucking Nutters in Bristol, a well-maintained Victorian building set among a spacious and well-kept garden.
"THIS is the best you can do?!" Donna Noble complains as she, Tom Wallace and the Doctor stagger out onto the grass, struggling to support the immensely gravid Ben Chatham/Benita Chatham/Abby Simpson.
"Exclusive private clinic, her own time zone, where her family can visit, lovely Victorian neo-gothic architecture. It's not that bad, surely!"
"I thought we'd be off to some space lab or something to turn her back!" Tom growls, referring to a previous plot development which, for the moment, completely escapes me and might actually be completely irrelevant.
"No point," the Doctor says grimly. "She can't change back, not physically at least, her DNA is completely rewritten."
"You mean I'm stuck like this forever?" wails the pregnant blonde. "Oh very perceptive," she suddenly chips in irritated. "I don't know why you bother with her, Doctor. What sort of companion are you dragging around without me? I bet she uses heroin and suffers withdrawal symptoms! Is that why you're dumping me in this lunatic asylum?"
"Oh, this is just creeping me out," Tom complains.
"Abby's still alive!" Donna gasps with delight, and they promptly drop her.
"Yeah," the blonde complains. "But now I'm stuck sharing my head with a complete bastard. Quit dissing me! Whatever I've done I'm still Ben Chatham and you all love me! Oh great, loads of commonophobia, chavophobia, childophobia! You are constructing a simplistic caricature of my complex mental state! And a split personality who wusses out of all the dangerous business, instead choosing to drink over-expensive alcohol and sleep with fellow posh men. I am truly blessed. Now you're talking sense. Oh shut the fuck up, Ben!"
to be continued...
