Around the prone frigure, dressed in the fashion of another age are gathered his two friends, their faces reflecting their concern. The girl on the man's right has long ginger hair framing her elfin face, dressed in the checkered dress of a student at St. Canterbury's School for girls.
To her left is a man in his late thirties, dressed in a long black leather coat - the only hint of ostentation against his functional trousers, boots and jumper. Surrounded by a thatch of dark, straight hair, the man's eyes are narrowed in concentration as he strives to hear the dying words of the man.
One after another, the duo call out the name of the recumbent figure lying before them - addressing him by his title, "Doctor".
If he hears them, the man gives no definite affirmate. Instead, with great effort, he manages to raise one arm in a gesture towards a point beyond his range of vision and mutters something about a moment having being prepared for.
At that, the man's two companions become aware of a fourth presence - a white, wraith-like form which has suddenly appeared close by and which is moving now towards the body lying prone on the ground.
A gasp of exclaim escapes from the lips of the schoolgirl as she realises the nature of the relationship between the man and the ghostly creature which, even now, is appearing to merge into the former's crumpled person.
For a moment nothing happens.
Then, with astonishing speed, the man's head and hands start to take on the appearance of the wraith - the curly, brown hair disappearing beneath a sudden growth of scaly, white skin. Watching in amazement, the man and the girl edge back slightly as a golden radiation begins to envelop the figure. Within the glow they percieve movement - not the feebled, pain-racked jerkiness of before, but smoother, more languid motions: as though that which had been damaged was now, almost miraculously being healed and charged with new strength and new vitality.
As the radiation begins to fade, so too does the layer of flaky white skin around the figure. The bright brown eyes flcik open - yet to the two watcher they are the eyes of a stranger. The uneasy impression that something uncanny has happened to the man they call "Doctor" is confirmed as final shards of skin are dispersed with the unrepentant casualness of a snake discarding its own skin.
The short brown curls are gone, replaced by a mane of fine, chestnut hair swept across a high forehead. The nose is now Roman and proud, the face less lined and with a mouth set into a slightly mocking expression.
The change complete, the two observers start backwards as the rejuvenated figure suddenly, and very unexpectedly, props himself up on his elbows and raises quizzical eyebrows in their direction...
Surely no follower of Doctor Who will fail to recognize the above as a brief resume of the closing moments of Countdown to Armageddon, the story which ended David Segal's reign as the title hero of the program and which began Jeffrey Coburn on a road that will doubtless confirm him as one of America's foremost character actors?
No?
Did you recognize it as shameless plagiarism of Logopolis?
You did?
Perhaps we should start at the beginning...
Since Ben Chatham is now no more than an unpleasant memory of a wet public lavatory seat, something must be done to stop this blog from going into decay. While Ben Chatham's progenitor Sparacus is bowel-shatteringly insane and has an ego that dwarfs the planet Jupiter, it is surprising how often he keeps one foot on the ground. Often his insane rantings will boil down to
'Doctor Who would be better if I was in charge'
a feeling all fans have felt from time to time. However, he also often dissolves into:
'Doctor Who is better because I am in charge'
which is patently - and thankfully - false. However, Sparacus has not totally succumbed to the madness of
'I make Doctor Who, not RTD so forget he ever did anything'
which is clearly the basis of a family motto of the Doctor Who Audio Dramas. Now, I am not referring to the splendid Big Finish productions or any stragglers like Slipback or The Pescatons. I refer to the unimaginative title of a fan production base, also known as Everlasting Films. However, since they got the name first, I'll stick with DWADs for now.
How did they get the name first, you ask? Simple. Pick a fan audio series. They started after 1997, didn't they? More spring up even now. But the DWADS kicked off in 1982, a time when 'Peter Davidson' was the New One, where Adric was in for the long run, and everyone thought the Cybermen were gone for good. The DWADS' latest release came out just after The Runaway Bride. They've been going since 1982 and have done over a hundred stories. Probably over two hundred.
My god, you will cry after making a few mental calculations, that means they've been doing it non-stop for longer than the fucking BBC!!! Ah, well, I will correct as you don't have all the facts, they haven't been doing it non-stop. Years have been known to pass between stories, and they don't release a batch of stories per year like the BBC or one monthly like Big Finish. So this claim is a tad overhyped - but don't blame yourself, check out http://www.dwad.net/ and see the insane self-congratulations there within.
This company shrugs off the new series... and a lot of the classic series... and Big Finish entirely. They don't just think they're good at Doctor Who, they think they're the BEST. Many a fan will complain about the Slitheen, but these fans strut around the place like they are the BBC itself, unsatisfied with current output and knowing they're so much better.
Go on. Check out their laughable opinion forum where they are so intent on congratulating themselves on their own brilliance it becomes a kind of verbal masterbation, along with abuse hurled at other production companies old and new...
And so on.Julio Ortiz's Emblems of Darkness gave a far better treatment of the Master than RTD is doing. Heck, Countdown to Armageddon, Apollyong (sic), and Warlord of Apshia (sic) are far better Master stories than what's been done with him by RTD.
Empire of the Daleks was a landmark audio drama and remains a great example of Doctor Who done RIGHT!
I'm fairly certain that somewhere along the line we'll still see the Time Lords. After all, they appear in the DWADs, so the BCC (sic) HAVE to bring them back to life.
If this three-episode story (Utopia/Sound of the Drums/Last of the Time Lords) came across my desk as script editor, I would have sent it back.
James K Flynn is *really* the current Doctor, and the Eccleston/Tennant stories are really just "missing adventures".
My votes for 11th Doctor... David Segal! A good Doctor from the DWADs could also mean a good choice for the BBC.
Rose is pretty blank and Martha isn't faring well, either. But then, Christine is the standard-barer for character development when it comes to companions, so mayhaps judging others against her is unfair.
Who listens to Big Finish when you have the DWADs? Hahahahahahahaha! The audacity! Hahahahahahaha! (seriously, they said that)
The Audio Visuals were not quite "pioneers" as WE were first. But certainly they were more well known.
Bizarrely, this fan company has had a rather odd history. Despite their stubborn insistance they portray 'the future' of Doctor Who (ie, their stories are set after the TV series, whether the last story was Survival, The Enemy Within, or The Last of the Time Lords), they have instead rewritten everything from Season 10 onwards. Their first Doctor, a stern Picard-like fellow played by Vincent Savage, was basically the Third Doctor. Then he regenerated into uber-fan David Segal (who writes, directs, produces, acts in and applauds his own work), who had curly hair, a long multicoloured scarf and spoke almost entirely in quotes from Tom Baker's Doctor. After ten long years, he was chucked out by a new production team and replaced by a young, more vulnerable and less long lived incarnation - Jeffrey Cobourn. Then he became another fan, Jym DeNatale, who was a fat, arrogant, verbose, lazy Doctor like Colin Baker's with all the good stuff surgically removed. His tenure was cut short, sacked behind the scenes and abruptly replaced - sans regeneration scene - by James K. Flynn (what is it and actors whos names start with J?). Effectively, the DWADS have replaced the third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh Doctors, and accompanied them with the most irritating companions this side of... well, just the most irritating companions ever.
Now, I have decided to reveal the truth about this audio series. You should never blindly believe whatever people tell you. Unless that person is me. But you can go to http://www.dwad.net/ and listen/download relevant stories yourself and judge exactly whether my reviews are more truthful with the DWADs' "we're bigger than RTD" hyperbole.
Tragically... or not... the DWADS do not exist in their entirety. Their first twenty five seasons are not well served by the archives, due to poor storage, poor sound quality, poor acting quality too. And the fact most of the stories appear to be remakes of Revenge of the Cybermen for some reason. It's like having a video collection of Doctor Who start with Nightmare of Eden straight through to Delta and the Bannerman, and the rest are lost somewhere.
Thus, I intend to focus on a golden age of DWADS where they weren't totally crap, but instead half decent and - at the time - ground breaking. Jeff Cobourn's Doctor was created from the same recipe as the Fifth Doctor's (young, vulnerable, obsessed with a hobby) but instead created an incarnation more attune with the Tenth (eccentric to the point of mild insanity, lonely god, young and sexy). Thus, as you would start the Fifth Doctor's era with Logopolis, where better to start than the DWAD remake of Logopolis, Countdown to Armaggedon?
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The Eleventh Doctor (Jeffrey Coburn) Program Guide
Countdown to Armageddon (Tenth Doctor regenerates) **
Season A
Apollyon ***
The Price of Paradise **
Dark Dreams **
Target Zylon ****
The Time Brokers ***
Season B
Fictional Hypothesis **
Empire of the Daleks *
The Doomsday Signal **
The Backbone of Night *****
The Augury of Death *****
Season C
The Warlords of Apshai ***
Devinaura IV **
Morningstar Manor ****
Metamorph **
The Crimson Scarab *****
Season D
The Seventh Dungeon of Drakmoore ***
Shadow of the Dragon **
Radio 2000 ***
The Hidden Menace ***
The Chronic Rift (Eleventh Doctor regenerates) *
The Perfection Society (Twelfth Doctor) **
E-Books (to be released sometime after the heat death of the entire universe)
The Union of Corruption (A.K.A. Illness of the Monoids)
set between Augury of Death and Warlords of Apshai and featuring the "Eleventh Doctor", Dara Hamilton, the Monoids, the Quarks, the Krotons, the Mentors, the Sensorites and the Zylons
Talent of the Tellurians
set between The Crimson Scarab and The Seventh Dungeon of Drakmoore featuring the "Eleventh Doctor" and Cleo Baxter
Claws of the Macra
set between The Shadow of the Dragon and Radio 2000, featuring the "Eleventh Doctor" and Christine and a sequel to the TV episode Gridlock
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Rating Scale
***** - get RTD on the phone, this is gonna be bigger than Dalek!
**** - go out of your way to listen to
*** - if it's there, listen to it, it's not so bad
** - on second thoughts, that DVD of Timelash looks mighty pretty today
* - abandon the review, switch off your computer and run out of the house screaming
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