Salutations, Peoples of the Blogger Sphere, please attend carefully!
And so it has come to pass that the Sparacus Blog of Setting the Standards And Telling It Like It Is... fell. And Ben Chatham is no more. And I look down at my now pointless dominion, at a loss of what to do, and think it drammatically ironic. Might as well piss off and watch Series Four and forget any of this ever happened.
So, fellow Chathamaphobes, basically... um... end of the world... not that we ever wanted it to survive...
See you round, dudes.
(Adam the Eco-Terrorist Who Wears A Lot Of Hats plays a gentle tune called I Did It My Way On My Own Quite A Lot And Now I've Got A Sore Hand on a piano in the corner of a club filled with characters from The Ben Chatham Spin Off Misadventures. Ben Chatham, naked, leans next to the piano and sings with his usual staggering lack of talent to the audience.)
Ben: A stranger in the night.
I made it through
The rain and thunder.
(Ben straightens and addresses Richard III as he sits nearby.)
Ben: A strainer for the nose.
But what the heck?
I'm still the guvnor!
(Ben crosses to the bar where Rose Tyler, Corrine Shaw, Genna Nolastname, Donna Noble, and Kylie Minogue are sitting. He sits on the last bar stool as Katie Ryan creeps up behind the other girls and one by one beats them to death over the head with a spade she carries.)
Ben: Oh yes there were girls
All the round the world
In backs of cars
On every highway!
(Katie hastily sits down into the vacant chair directly in front of Ben. He tenderly reaches out to touch her face.)
Ben: But more
Much more than them
(He turns and looks adoringly in his reflection in the mirrors behind the bar.)
Ben: I love
Myself.
(Ben passes a long line of adoring fans: Brigadier Ashford, Paul Farraday, George W Bush, Harriet Jones, several odd-looking aliens whose names begins with zed, Charles Broxby, Jake Simmonds, Nick Nolastname, James Deadmeat, Karl Simpson, Robin Hood, Kyle Scott, Captain Jack and Adam Rickitt.)
Ben: I'm always
My own man!
(Ben invites several of the men to ruffle his hair. Kyle tells Ben to fuck off.)
Ben: I am the king
Of every castle!
(Katie appears behind Kyle and garottes him with cheese wire as Ben wanders off, not noticing.)
Ben: I've lived with
My own clan!
(Ben is now with a bunch of elderly, stereotypically homosexual Nazi-sympathizing Oxford dons smoking pipes and shooting up with Fox's Glacier Mints.)
Ben: I've disappeared
Up my own asshole!
(Ben returns to stand by the piano. Stephen Poole is playing it and mugging to the camera.)
Ben: What is a guy
If he don't do
What he must do?
Dee do be do be dooo.
(Ben appears to be talking to his reflection again.)
Ben: I'm proud
To say out aloud
I love
(The reflection in the mirror grabs Ben's head, headbutts him and leaves him to fall to the floor, bleeding from the nose.)
Ben: ...my...self...
(He takes a sip from a glass of absinthe, then spits it out in the face of Anselm Ashduxforthshireworth, who doesn't for a moment take his eyes off Ben.)
Ben: I spat it out!
I stuck it in!
And waggled it about!
(Ben is once more by the piano. Hitler is now playing the piano with his usual flair. Ben starts making ridiculously elaborate hand gestures as he loses all pretense of talent.)
Ben: I took it on
I played it rough!
I knocked it off!
And hammed it up!
(He passes a police box, a scruffy youth counting acorns, and David Bowie.)
Ben: I'm full of grit!
(He returns to David Bowie with a lustful expression.)
Ben: I'm full of shit!
(At the piano, Ben himself is now playing. He's rubbish.)
Ben: I'M FULL OF
MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSEELLLFFF!
(Ben lies on a bed, drenched in honey.)
Ben: And now
I'm near the end.
There is nothing
Left for me to see.
(We now see his boyfriends from Steve Carly to Kyle Scott are licking this off.)
Ben: Surrounded by my friends
True gentlement
You know, I have
A degree!
(The open doors of the club, beyond which is a blindingly bright blue sky. The scrawny silhouette of Ben stumbles out into the light.)
Ben: And when I die
Don't say "goodbye"
(The silhouette turns and stretches out its weak arms, ala Jesus on the cross.)
Ben: I'll come back for
My res... erection.
(We see a brief glimpse of Ben - balding, emaciated, body ravaged from a life time of alcohol abuse, malnution, and glazed honey orgies - before we return to the silhouette in the doorway.)
Ben: Oh, don't cry
Bold blue eyes
I've still got
MY... SELF!
(As the music reaches a crescendo, a strange figure in a scaly outfit with fins sprouting from the head, a sad clown mouth and fried-egg eyes steps in front of the silhouette and closes the doors to the club with a rumbling crash. And on the closed doors is a poster marked:
And so it has come to pass that the Sparacus Blog of Setting the Standards And Telling It Like It Is... fell. And Ben Chatham is no more. And I look down at my now pointless dominion, at a loss of what to do, and think it drammatically ironic. Might as well piss off and watch Series Four and forget any of this ever happened.
So, fellow Chathamaphobes, basically... um... end of the world... not that we ever wanted it to survive...
See you round, dudes.
+++INTERNET TRAFFIC IS ADVISED TO STAY AWAY FROM THE CHATHAM ODYSSEY BLOG+++
+++BLOGGERS ARE WARNED THE CHATHAM ODYSSEY BLOG IS NOW ENTERTING TERMINAL EXTINCTION+++
+++TERMINAL EXTINCTION IMMINENT+++
+++LOCATION LOCKED+++
+++TERMINAL EXTINCTION IMMINENT+++
+++ACCESS NO LONGER NECESSARY+++
+++TERMINAL EXTINCTION IMMINENT+++
+++AWAITING TERMINATION CODE+++
+++TERMINAL EXTINCTION IMMINENT+++
+++THE CHATHAM ODDYSEY BLOG IS CLOSED+++
+++THE CHATHAM ODDYSEY BLOG IS CLOSED+++
+++THE CHATHAM ODDYSEY BLOG IS CLOSED+++
(Adam the Eco-Terrorist Who Wears A Lot Of Hats plays a gentle tune called I Did It My Way On My Own Quite A Lot And Now I've Got A Sore Hand on a piano in the corner of a club filled with characters from The Ben Chatham Spin Off Misadventures. Ben Chatham, naked, leans next to the piano and sings with his usual staggering lack of talent to the audience.)
Ben: A stranger in the night.
I made it through
The rain and thunder.
(Ben straightens and addresses Richard III as he sits nearby.)
Ben: A strainer for the nose.
But what the heck?
I'm still the guvnor!
(Ben crosses to the bar where Rose Tyler, Corrine Shaw, Genna Nolastname, Donna Noble, and Kylie Minogue are sitting. He sits on the last bar stool as Katie Ryan creeps up behind the other girls and one by one beats them to death over the head with a spade she carries.)
Ben: Oh yes there were girls
All the round the world
In backs of cars
On every highway!
(Katie hastily sits down into the vacant chair directly in front of Ben. He tenderly reaches out to touch her face.)
Ben: But more
Much more than them
(He turns and looks adoringly in his reflection in the mirrors behind the bar.)
Ben: I love
Myself.
(Ben passes a long line of adoring fans: Brigadier Ashford, Paul Farraday, George W Bush, Harriet Jones, several odd-looking aliens whose names begins with zed, Charles Broxby, Jake Simmonds, Nick Nolastname, James Deadmeat, Karl Simpson, Robin Hood, Kyle Scott, Captain Jack and Adam Rickitt.)
Ben: I'm always
My own man!
(Ben invites several of the men to ruffle his hair. Kyle tells Ben to fuck off.)
Ben: I am the king
Of every castle!
(Katie appears behind Kyle and garottes him with cheese wire as Ben wanders off, not noticing.)
Ben: I've lived with
My own clan!
(Ben is now with a bunch of elderly, stereotypically homosexual Nazi-sympathizing Oxford dons smoking pipes and shooting up with Fox's Glacier Mints.)
Ben: I've disappeared
Up my own asshole!
(Ben returns to stand by the piano. Stephen Poole is playing it and mugging to the camera.)
Ben: What is a guy
If he don't do
What he must do?
Dee do be do be dooo.
(Ben appears to be talking to his reflection again.)
Ben: I'm proud
To say out aloud
I love
(The reflection in the mirror grabs Ben's head, headbutts him and leaves him to fall to the floor, bleeding from the nose.)
Ben: ...my...self...
(He takes a sip from a glass of absinthe, then spits it out in the face of Anselm Ashduxforthshireworth, who doesn't for a moment take his eyes off Ben.)
Ben: I spat it out!
I stuck it in!
And waggled it about!
(Ben is once more by the piano. Hitler is now playing the piano with his usual flair. Ben starts making ridiculously elaborate hand gestures as he loses all pretense of talent.)
Ben: I took it on
I played it rough!
I knocked it off!
And hammed it up!
(He passes a police box, a scruffy youth counting acorns, and David Bowie.)
Ben: I'm full of grit!
(He returns to David Bowie with a lustful expression.)
Ben: I'm full of shit!
(At the piano, Ben himself is now playing. He's rubbish.)
Ben: I'M FULL OF
MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSEELLLFFF!
(Ben lies on a bed, drenched in honey.)
Ben: And now
I'm near the end.
There is nothing
Left for me to see.
(We now see his boyfriends from Steve Carly to Kyle Scott are licking this off.)
Ben: Surrounded by my friends
True gentlement
You know, I have
A degree!
(The open doors of the club, beyond which is a blindingly bright blue sky. The scrawny silhouette of Ben stumbles out into the light.)
Ben: And when I die
Don't say "goodbye"
(The silhouette turns and stretches out its weak arms, ala Jesus on the cross.)
Ben: I'll come back for
My res... erection.
(We see a brief glimpse of Ben - balding, emaciated, body ravaged from a life time of alcohol abuse, malnution, and glazed honey orgies - before we return to the silhouette in the doorway.)
Ben: Oh, don't cry
Bold blue eyes
I've still got
MY... SELF!
(As the music reaches a crescendo, a strange figure in a scaly outfit with fins sprouting from the head, a sad clown mouth and fried-egg eyes steps in front of the silhouette and closes the doors to the club with a rumbling crash. And on the closed doors is a poster marked:
61 comments:
You do like to finish with a song, don't you? Jolly good work.
And speaking of Season 4... you are sending me a disc, right?
You do like to finish with a song, don't you?
Psychological scarring from the last eps of The Young Ones, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and Red Dwarf (five minutes before the end of Queeg, when I thought Holly was dead forever - thanks a lot, SBS!).
Actually, I was going to save this post for when I finished Crystal. I only clicked publish to see if it worked, cause I wanted it to be the genuinely last post. Still...
Jolly good work.
And speaking of Season 4... you are sending me a disc, right?
A disc with Torchwood: Exit Wounds, Partners in Crime, The Fires of Pompeii and Ashes to Ashes is ready to be posted. I would have done it today except my dad fell and busted his hand and ribs trying to change a lightbulb. I'll try and post it tomorrow.
Do you want any Confidentials or anything?
Actually, I was going to save this post for when I finished Crystal. I only clicked publish to see if it worked, cause I wanted it to be the genuinely last post. Still...
Ah. That makes a lot of sense.
A disc with Torchwood: Exit Wounds, Partners in Crime, The Fires of Pompeii and Ashes to Ashes is ready to be posted. I would have done it today except my dad fell and busted his hand and ribs trying to change a lightbulb. I'll try and post it tomorrow.
...is he alright?
Do you want any Confidentials or anything?
No, thank you.
Ah. That makes a lot of sense.
I suppose this way is more appropriately anarchic.
And I chose the song for personal reasons, as it's from an episode of Alas Smith and Jones. I saw it when I was a babe and it was the first song I properly learned. And when my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, I sang it to her to make her smile. She says it's the main reason she got through.
For completism's sake, only one verse was changed:
"And now I'm near the end
I find it all so very cozy
Surrounded by my friends
True gentlemen, not Mafiosi"
...is he alright?
His hand should heal in a day or so, his ribs longer. Luckily, we have plenty of industrial pain killers around (handy for the "me scorching my face off incidents" that life throws our way), but he's pretty much armchair ridden.
No, thank you.
OK. Should be posted tomorrow.
MLock is still whining on about the "stunt" I pulled earlier this week.
Well, if posting a publicly known web address on a public access blog is a "stunt", then the Jackass team need to be told they've been working WAY too hard all these years...
Sorry about that, LH. Not a lot I can do, I'm afraid. Even then, MLock's a petty little fuckwit who will be dead six years before he lets anyone forget any real or imagined misdemeanors.
I'm amazed he's heckling YOU though. Normally he blames me for everything up to and including the death of the princes in the tower.
Nah, he's on my case because I've called him on him trying to be the Myth Makers resident comedian & failing miserably at it.
Even guys like Spara & LBC can be funny accidentally. MLock makes so much effort, yet the only rise he gets is from his own private parts when the latest Chatham story is posted.
Surely the resident comedian is NickB? Or Bernie Fishnotes? The guy didn't get that medal for nought, you know.
I could be wrong, but I believe both Spara & MLock have put me on ignore.
LBC for the hat-trick!... ;-)
You could always tell him that Spara and MLock are talking about him behind his back... that could lead to some interesting sparks. Put the worst possible spin on whatever they say... Heheheh.
Lemon B.C wouldn't believe a word of it if I told him that, unfortunately.
Have you read his first attempt in the Shatham "canon" yet?...
Now Lunarsea is giving me the latest in the line of stern lectures.
When will the Silent Majority realise: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T CARE! NOT NOW, NOT EVER.
Of course, ignoring the fact that anyone who knew Spara's real name could type it into Google & find his blog (well, that's what I did), anyway, TSM are continuing to badger me about it in a Myth Makers thread that has NOTHING to do with what happened at anyone's blog.
I think I'm seriously going to have to give up the Myth Makers cold turkey (I know, I've said it all before!), as the longer TSM keep on at me for some sort of explanation-cum-apology that I would rather eat a shit sandwich than give to Spara, I can see there being some sort of administrative backlash.
If I'm to get booted from that place permenantly, I want it to be for something at least fairly worthy, not being drawn into some tedious slanging match with Sparacus` band of bum-lickers.
Have you read his first attempt in the Shatham "canon" yet?...
Yes.
Very... florid. Whatver we say about Spara, at least things happened in his stories.
If I'm to get booted from that place permenantly, I want it to be for something at least fairly worthy, not being drawn into some tedious slanging match with Sparacus` band of bum-lickers.
You could always, you know, blame me for it. If it helps. They're hardly going to ban me, are they?
Of course, my true friends would already know I was innocent... so that would only be 99.9% of the forum that was instantly convinced of my guilt.
Now Lunarsea is giving me the latest in the line of stern lectures.
I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've chipped in a little support...
Cameron
"You could always, you know, blame me for it. If it helps. They're hardly going to ban me, are they?"
Very kind of you, Youth, but as I've already made it clear that I'm in no way remorseful for "digging up" Spara's employers web address, it seems pretty much pointless to suddenly claim innocence.
Oh, have any of those misbegotten misfits begged MY foregiveness after falsely accusing me?
Till they do, they don't deserve to sleep at night.
"Oh, have any of those misbegotten misfits begged MY foregiveness after falsely accusing me?"
Course they haven't. They're all still only assuming anyone e-mailed CSFC in the first place because Spara can't be fucked to confirm or deny it.
And now Lunarsea is quoting what I've said here at the Myth Makers in order to further the "debate". Just PM me, e-mail me, or interact here, Lunar, yer daft twat.
Well, I suggest you point out the hypocrisy. If they don't apologize for what they say about me, why should you apologize for what you did? Hmmm? Do they have a leg to stand on?
What IS MLock's job? After good old Cameron & Hashish called him on his pathetic attempts at humour, he proceeded to throw his toys out of the pram in epic style by declaring that he was "off into town to spend the wad of cash he was given to write funny for someone".
I guess there's a whole plethora of awful sitcoms in recent years that he could have contributed to. Either that or he came up with the Lauren character on the Catherine Tate Show...
That would imply someone found him creative and funny.
You see how ridiculous it is?
He probably whores himself out to the highest bidder, or the kinkiest. Hence his spara-lust.
If he is a writer, he's a VERY obscure one. Googling his name brings up nothing.
Yeah, I tried Googling Michael Lockhart aswell & nada.
How sad. I mean, even I get a result on google...
...
Well. "Nigel Verkoff" always works.
And did I mention you can still view Spara's blog if you google "Ben Chatham" "Doctor Who" and clicked "cached" on the options? Just in case you want to relive the insanity.
Here's the latest pearler from legendary comic scribe MLock from the Myth Makers:
"Well my magic beans let me have a lovely day with Mrs Mlock.
But if you think I'd let my working name be known here for people to try and bombard folk I write for be e-mailed with crap then you really are a bit daft.
If I ever earn a significant amount of magic beans that I'm wiling to let Net Numpties annoy my employers then you'll be the first to know about it!
Cheers!"
So Mr. Lockhart's head has swelled to such proportions that he now believes if any of us discovered his psuedonym, he'd get the Spara treatment of having his employer bombarded with e-mails.
Free from the CoC shackles of the DWF, MLock, you're an arrogant cock. Plus your obvious lack of self-esteem is showing, when, as soon as you're called on being completely unfunny, you start rambling on about how much money you make. Comedy = Cash? Not in your case, yer dildo.
What next, place an announcement that you've bought a spanking new red Ferrari? Just stuff a sock down there & spend your thousands on the missus... & possibly a selection of DVDs to discover what ACTUAL comedy is about.
Fucking tosser.
Well... thanks for that, LH...
Sorry, YOA, but I needed to rant, & you know better than anyone that the DWF is not the place for it.
MLock is fast over-taking Spara & LBC as my least favourite member of the Silent Majority (aka Bum Lickers Anonymous)...
... but then again, do I have a MOST favourite member? I think not.
Well, cheer up. I'm doing work on Crystal parody...
Just posting my absolute admiration for Bernie Fishnotes, who provided the cover Death of a Blog. Seriously, the quality of that image (maybe not the subject matter per se but definitely the quality) is frankly superior to the official BBC efforts. They are missing on a minefield of true talent - even with their ridiculous 'main character upper bodies clogging up top of cover between logo and surrealist montage' motiff, Bernie wipes the floor with them.
Truly the most talented artist with a blog username I know of.
Surely it'd be "Am I chav, in a coma, or just really hungover?"
The Chathamverse is just dull now, there's not even any fun in telling LBC his stories stink, the guy doesn't know how to take an insult.
If I ever see that bastard who caused Spara to stop writing, why I'd... oh shit... ;-)
The Chathamverse is just dull now, there's not even any fun in telling LBC his stories stink, the guy doesn't know how to take an insult.
Then tell him this site - nor Jared's archive - considers his work "canon". And we're better authorities on BC than Spara.
Heh. LBC - Likes Ben Chatham.
"Heh. LBC - Likes Ben Chatham"
Hmmm, could that be a clue to support the theory that Lemon Bloody Cola is either a gimmick poster or even a secondary account for Spara himself?...
Probably not, but the Chathamverse is so tedious nowadays, dreaming up unlikely conspiracy theories is one of the only things to do.
I certainly don't consider LBC's stories Chatham canon either, no matter what Goacher might give him "permission" for. The two's writing styles are so obviously different for a start (not that that really has anything to do with canon, but still, Spara should have "anointed" someone as talentless as he is for the job)
Hmmm, could that be a clue to support the theory that Lemon Bloody Cola is either a gimmick poster or even a secondary account for Spara himself?...
My thoughts exactly.
I wonder if the MODS will be interested in that.
Oh, I'm sure they'll have to take a PM from Notyoa seriously...
Oopsie, sorry about the previous post, Youth... totally understand the deletion, don't want to get you into any bother. :-)
I trust you, but the trouble is literally ANYONE can read here... like MLock, for instance. And we all know what a loving relationship he and I possess.
I quite understand, YOA, & it was my fault for being careless in the first place.
Is Spara's blog still off-limits? I haven't checked for ages. Come to think of it, he's been relatively quiet at the DWF lately, save for one or two appreciative comments towards his No.1 fan (or perhaps his secondary account...?) Lemon Bloody Cola.
If LBC is No.1, then MLock must be No.2. And calling MLock a No.2 is very appropriate.
I quite understand, YOA, & it was my fault for being careless in the first place.
Think no more of it. The number of times I've shot my own mouth of...
Is Spara's blog still off-limits?
Yep.
Come to think of it, he's been relatively quiet at the DWF lately, save for one or two appreciative comments towards his No.1 fan (or perhaps his secondary account...?) Lemon Bloody Cola.
Maybe his batteries are running out? How long before we remember the good old days when Spara said ANYTHING instead of lurking? Will he finally become part of the silent majority?!
That's it for me in the Myth Makers. Talk about a vicious cycle. It's the same topics, the same gormless questions & the same even-more-gormless responses, on a fecking loop.
Seriously, what enjoyment is there left in that place now? Sparacus has quit writing. LBC's attempts are dire. And yet we still get endless rounds of "Ben isn't canon"... "Yes he is!", and "How do you pronounce Chatham?"
I'm disappointed in myself for sticking around as long as I did, in the vain hope that things would pick up. What a waste of my time. I'm just as disappointed as those who will continue to post in there, asking the same questions, getting the same Spara-esque brush-off from his replacement. Why are you bothering?
We learned ages ago that the best way to kill Ben Chatham is not to give him an audience. Yet that's what we've been doing all along. Maybe Spara deserved an audience in a perverse kind of way, but now? It's old news. It's boring. The "craze" has died down. Quite frankly, it's pretty much OVER.
You lot keep going in there & adding to your DWF post counts with significant nothings if you want. I'm not having a go, because that's exactly what I've been doing all this time. I've just realised now that I do have better things to do that be condescended to by someone who isn't as intelligent as he thinks he is (LBC) & I'm tired of telling MLock that he isn't, wasn't, & never will be a funny person.
As I said in my final Shatham-related post, if things take an upward turn, then please be kind enough to let me know. But I can't see it. As I already said, any fun, any LIFE that was in these threads got sucked out weeks ago, & I guess I'm a major factor when dishing out the blame for that. You reap what you sow, eh, fellas?
Cheerio.
Fair enough. Keep in touch then, LH, and if you need for some reason reminding of the good times of insanity, don't waste your time sifting through this bloke, check out my spoof archive... it's capacity is so large it frightens even myself.
I've given up too. It's just boring now, I ca't be arsed to read the storied these days, LBC's I had to force myself. Although, saying that, it did inspire me to write an overly florid scene...
"He gripped the dial as firmly as a workman might grip a screwdriver handle, and turned it clockwise, perhaps envoking memories of the ancient superstition that counterclockwise movement was the methodology of witches. Fresh water, clear as a diamond in the crown jewels of some mighty monarch, gushed forth like the emotions of a particularly expressive woman at a time of mourning. The water did as all fluids do, and spread throughout the receptacle, occupying as much space as gravity would allow and adhering to every surface. He lifted a plastic container, cylindrical with a conical top and featuring a human infant on the side, perhaps a reminder of childhood innocence, perhaps to encourage feebleminded women to associate the task the liquid contained within would connect with them on a basic procreative level. The fluid, green as a jade brooch on an aristocratic ladies lapel, or even the grass of Silbury hill, disgorged from the red aperture, and mixed with the running water, forming a mountain of fluffy, white bubbles, each identical, a symbol of modern globalisation. As the frothy potion continued to gain in volume, he pressed the button on the small electronic media storage device he wore on his slightly worn River Island chinos. The sounds of angels rushed along the copper-alloy arms of the device to his ears, which were filled with such sounds that he was compelled to vocalise his approval in a most voluminous way.
“Round, Round, Baby Round Round…” he sang, letting the feeling of the Sugababes lyrics fill his soul with joy. He took the cloth, which had congealed into a dry lump by the chromiun-plated sink, and began the process of restoring the crockery to it’s original state.
Then a Hell beast ate him."
Based on the works of LBC and Garth Merenghi
Ah, good old Garth Marenghi. What a pity the only work he did for Doctor Who ended up being "K9 and Company". Imagine if they'd let him loose during Season 23...
My turn to crack due to Fish face and his lap dogs.
Canned laughter?
Groping?
Drugs being offered to teenagers?
Torchwood doesn't feature any of these, and it's aimed at an adult audience...
Cameron
Cameron
You're not alone, Cam. Not alone.
His blog is back, y`know.
I feel about 10 years younger being away from the Myth Makers all this time. Best decision I ever made, to give up the Shathamverse.
You might want one last visit, to add your name to the petition to clear OG of the BC filth once and for all...
I did spot that petition today as it happens, Youth. I will add my monicker to the list, but in all honesty: will it actually make a difference?
It's kicking off already at Spara's blog. No sooner had I read a comment from someone too gutless to use his DWF or Blogger handle calling me a "dumb c**t", that was deleted, along with a "mysterious", obscenity-laden conversation between Messrs. Cola & Lock.
Almost like old times again. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I haven't yet decided.
Oh, Arnold Blumberg has locked the petition thread. Oh well.
Looks like Shatham is here to stay, folks.
Thinking back to the charming "Dumb c**t" post at Spara's blog: really, it could only be one of 4 potential candidates. 2 of those I can't imagine using language like that, not even in extreme anger, & the third I'm not sure about yet.
Which really leaves only one probable personage. I won't name names (yet), as he obviously has sponge cake for a spine not to call me that un-anonymously.
He'll only deny it, which would make him a lying c**t. And I'd rather be a dumb one than a lying one.
Fraid not, Johnstone.
This blog is the be all and end all of Chatham. Even Spara himself admits to its definitive status, rivalled only by Jared's archive.
This blog says BC ended with "Crystal". Everything since has been LBC-influenced garbage, unworthy even of the smoothe one. If this blog reopens, it gives credibility to that trash - and to any Sparacus fiction from thereon in.
As long as the authority on BC says none of the later adventures are Chatham-canon - and we consider Enemy of Time for fuck's sake - there is a whacking great hole in LBC's cola-fueled megalomania.
We can't let the bastards win.
Glad you understand. The only way we can finally destroy BC is to cut off his supply. If no parodies are written, no references made, no acknowledgement given, then he loses what grip he has on reality.
It's like The Mind Robber... but with more snobbery and absinthe.
Looking ofrward to your vids, BTB.
Even the mods have now had enough of the Chatham!
The infestation is ending...
Cameron
*deranged Simms Master clapping and laughter*
I knew that Chathamania required this blog to live. Despite a transfusion of lemon bloody cola from Yellow Sticky Fluid, the patient's condition was terminal!
I KNEW IT!
Farewell, culture boy. May your foullness rot in hell...
I'm still happy to say I don't miss the Myth Makers one little bit.
Maybe one day later this year I'll even listen to the 'Dutch Oven' audio for old time's sake...
I missed that. Where do I get a copy of that?
From me. I can e-mail it to you if you so desire.
Even though it's- what?- only about six months old, hearing 'DO' today reminds me of another lifetime ago.
One of the few good things to come out of me wasting much of my time arguing with Spara, LBC etc at the Myth Makers.
Thanks, man.
ewen32@iprimus.com.au
You're not missing much. Though LBC is offending a lot more people than Spara ever managed. The best the Emperor can do is suggest that instead of dying from a Dalek blast, the Tenth Doctor should perish at the hands of heroin-junkie looter yobbos.
...yeeesh.
I tried sending you DO, Youth, but I must've got your address wrong. I'll give it another bash early this week...
Yeah... thanks. I need cheering up.
Seriously.
Myth makers have proveds themselves to be a bunch of idiots. Spara is advertising a "job" as his second in command and everyuone's going for it and applying.
Yeah. Like Jared and Cameron.
They're taking the piss, dude.
He's just going to use the fact that people are pretending to give a shit against us.
He's been doing that for years.
I really wish they'd all ignore him. I'm getting really pissed with the people I usually agree with.
Don't take this the wrong way, Johnstone, but I don't care. He isn't worth the adrenaline.
I'm not expecting to get the position, but if I do, I have a cunning plan...
Cameron
DO NOT POST!
AUTHORISED PERSONNEL ONLY!
Cunning Plan Details:
A carefully constructed story and character arc which turn Ben into a character people can truly admire and look up to.
DO NOT POST!
Cameron
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