There’s a guy on Outpost Gallifrey called Sparacus who has for ages been doing his own stories with spinoff character Ben Chatham, who is basically a misogynist tosser. The stories are strange and repetitive and dull, and I at first enjoyed watching the line by line criticisms of them unfold, but eventually found it all rather sad and disheartening. That’s the case with basically any idiot on the net now; I tend to laugh heaps at them, and then feel really sad for them. Not guilty, cos I don’t do guilt over the internet (er, mostly), just sad that that’s how they are.
Well said. Is Spara finally gone? Well, his blog is off limits to the entire internet. Some speculate that he has been annihilated by his former employers. And silence is all that is heard.
No... wait...
Regarding my blog, it is no more end of. It is just a place for me to store info but as a public blog - gone, over, finished. I use the internet for enjoyment not to create hassle for myself dealing with some of the things being posted.
...
Obviously too drunk to write in a diary, then.
Well I do think its time to 'rest' Ben Chatham for a while. I shall still write stuff but not post stories for some time. Things are getting out of hand . Well I'll finish 'Crystal' as i've started it and build the 'rest' into the storyline lol
How WILL I cope?!
Still, at least the wikipage will now be definitive.
Meantime, Spara hit the big time with THIS article noting what an utter nutter he is, and why no one takes him seriously. We salute you, Ted Grant!
Part of me is hoping that “sparacus” is fully committed to an elaborate hoax, that he’s only pretending to play the pretentious fan-fic writer who thinks he can do better than the people who are actually paid to do the show for a living, but, well…
Meantime, some more quotes about the smoothe scumbag himself:
Ben Chatham is a Doctor Who companion played by Adam Rickitt.
(On Ben's diet)
Ben doesn't do cum-facials. He's too delicate.
(On Ben's sluttiness)
Ben Chatham is not a rent boy. Neither is Adam Rickitt. If I walked up to Adam and offered him £200 for a horny session involving massage oil & dildos he'd no doubt be shocked.
Ben Chatham on youtube! Theres loads of them! Unfortunately without broadband I find Youtube too slow to use. But I'm sure they've very good.
(upon learning what Johnstone's vids were like)
Ben does tend to induce a strong reaction in people.
(On "Wolf")
Its set on New Years Eve. and Ben saves the day
(On the word "smoothe")
An in-joke
(On me doing artwork for his "annual")
I've been relaxing in the garden drinking white rum after retrurning to Colchester. But seeing this 'graphic art' on OG has had my sides splitting.... That comic strip is the work of YOA by the way. I am impressed actually, although I'm told its quite easy to do if you know how.
(On the Spartha Jones Annual)
LOL
(On my wikipage)
How amusing that my online activities should be so infamous. Actually i'm in the mood to go over there & write some more of my latest styory. Fuck I've just noticed that a certain Ewan Campion-Clarke aka 'Youth of Australia' had a heavy hand in writing it....
(On the wikipage's deletion)
I request that people get over there and post 'do not delete' comments soon as there are a whole string of humourless 'delete' ones. It just goes to show what a flawed concept Wikipedia is. Its supposed to be an encyclopedia anyone can contribute to and then they delete whole pages. There was nothing factually innacurate about that page.
(On Doc Filth's greatest creation)
I stress that Ben Chatham is a popular companion with many fans and is discussed more often than the likes of Bernice Summerfield. As such he qualifies as canon in the view of many, however derivatives like this Tom Wallace character are non-canon.
(On canon)
What is and what is not definable as canon in Doctor Who fiction/tv derivatives constitute a huge proportion of the debates on OG. They can get very heated and emotional. Any story, no matter how well written is not part of the Whovianological canon without the exploits of Ben Chatham and I suspect that most people would rather find out how the Ben/Katie relationship plays out and whether Ben saves the earth from the Xmas alien menace than this immature xmas Kylie Minoge runaround.
(After inviting me to join him on Moopy)
YIKES!. So YOA has registered on HERE Moopsters have no idea whats in store for them...... When on OG, YOA used to reply to my posts with 4000 word essays. You take such banter too seriously. I hope you lot don't make YOA 'run the gauntlet' in the usual initiation way with newcomers. He'll go ballistic
(On the suggestion he wanks over Ben Chatham)
Someone has been changing it
(No, I don't understand what he means either)
And now... OUR FEATURE PRE-ZEN-TAYSHUN!!! Celebrating the end of the Chatham era!!
BEFORE BEN CHATHAM THERE WAS ALISTAIR AND BEFORE ALISTAIR THERE WAS...
Beth Chatto the Neanderthal Man of Ben Chathmness!
Beth Chatto was sitting in his Chelmsford besdit drinking Special Brew when all of a sudden out of nowhere there was a huge explosion.
His windows caved in and part of his ceiling collapsed.
Beth was thankful that this happened to him all the time otherwise he would have flinched.
At this point he phones Belgian popstar Kate Ryan, who lives in Belgium.
By complete luck she was in her flying car which can cut out whole plotlines.
At this point Kate knocks on the door enters Beth’s house. She has a bottle of white lightning and some heroin.
This conveniently leads us to the next day when they both wake up on a park bench smacked out of their tits.
Kate wakes up and nudges Beth. Beth stirs and reminds her that was too much detail.
Kate in her drug ridden state pipes up “Why are you washed up has been Adam Rickett, when you could be any amount of more recent actors?”
Beth stirs and explains “The Y2 Virus meant that all popular culture following 1st January 2000 doesn’t exist and I’m stuck in the past”
Kate didn’t understand.
Beth told her “Why not use my magic ‘telling us stuffmatron’… It has superpowers which reveal all!”.
Kate confided she’d already googled it and realised that she was Lolly.
"What’s Google?” exclaimed Beth.
“It doesn’t matter, don’t forget there was an explosion yesterday”
At this point aliens arrive, some implausible stuff happens and it was all a dream.
14 comments:
Fame at last for Spara. Probably coming at the wrong time for him given that I suspect CSFC (his employers) are mointoring his internet activities closely.
I'm sure Radio Times scribe & list show mainstay Andrew Collins mentioned Spara in a blog he did ages ago, too, although I seem to recall it was only because someone posted a comment asking Collins if he'd heard of him.
You'll be shocked to find out Collins answered "No."
My prediction for the day: Spara's blog will go public again, probably within the week. Once he thinks CSFC have lost interest, he'll be back to "delighting" us all with his endless supply of Nick Tilsley photos & crappy fiction.
Yeah. He's probably tried to filter comments and ended up locking everyone out by accident.
Pratt.
ETTA: It's over... we're free!
ARAK: So what do we do now?
...
So Spara has stated no more blog? Pfft, he'll do a U-Turn & re-open it to the public in a week or so, you just watch...
I like how his reasoning is about "people posting stuff". Nothing to do with your colleagues at CSFC, then, Marko?...
Who knows?
Still, it seems to be the death knell for this blog though. I won't delete it or shut it down though, I'm no coward. I have got three other blogs to work with. Maybe, if the muse takes when when all my BF spoofs are over and done with, I might tackle Crystal. Mind you, no more bleeding blog exclusives...
Unless I continue my jihad against the DWADs, well, to quote the Beatles:
Nothing to do to save his life call his wife in
Nothing to say but what a day how's your boy been
Nothing to do it's up to you
I've got nothing to say but it's OK
MLock's on the DWF warpath again. I don't think he'll be satsified till him, me, & a few others are banned from the forum once again( & for me it will be permenant next time...).
Perhaps I should go cold turkey from the Myth Makers, especially now Benito has been temporarily retired.
Please don't close the Chatham Odyssey blog, YOA! If the Lockster has his way, I'll end up like your good self & be only able to communicate to all my forum pals via here!
MLock's on the DWF warpath again.
You mean he stops at certain points?
I don't think he'll be satsified till him, me, & a few others are banned from the forum once again( & for me it will be permenant next time...).
That's MLock. Never forgives, never forgets.
Perhaps I should go cold turkey from the Myth Makers, especially now Benito has been temporarily retired.
I dunno. Isn't Wilf still doing his amusing side-splitting antics? Or am I thinking of NickB?
Please don't close the Chatham Odyssey blog, YOA! If the Lockster has his way, I'll end up like your good self & be only able to communicate to all my forum pals via here!
Calm yourself, LH! I was referring to closing the blog in the purely conceptual sense. The blog will still be here, comments still able to be posted, access to all a certainty. The only change would be a lack of new material coming in...
And like I said, there are three other blogs under my name, and a fourth I had to close down after the people at my work read it and fired me for the content.
You really got fired from your job over a blog? Christ, that's harsh.
NickB's Sparadies are completely brilliant. Unless I've missed an obvious post, he hasn't done one in quite some time, I don't think.
Can't say I blame him, I was promising to write the 5th Lavatorial Chathamverse installment months ago, & I just can't be arsed to muster up even an ounce of energy to do it.
It's a common complaint...
Don't fret, as Lemon Bloody Cola has been dubbed the new Chatham Chronicler...
Given that a lot of employers these days do Google searches to find out what their employees get up to on the web, I'm surprised it's taken this long for things to hit the fan...
Cameron
It's like a Spara love-in at the DWF at the moment.
Betcha can't guess who the two ringleaders are, can you?...
Predictable as always.
Ah well. For an alternative there's my own highly surreal farewell to Chatham.
Which is frankly funnier than this entire blog. I'd suggest you'd put it on OG, if I thought you had a death wish and a strong dislike of waiting...
Just thought you'd like to know that he's off again. Not on his blog as far as I know but he's sadly still going on DWF.
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