After the ordeal I've just been through, sketching, drawing, inking, scanning and posting a new comic strip based on a retarded misogynistic synopsis of Rickitphillia is not exactly appealing to me at the moment. But the question is, even when I recover... should I be bothered to do it?
I mean, is it worth all that only to get ripped off by Spara who then dubs it non canonical (bits of it, anyway)?
I honestly don't know any more.
I put to the vocal majority to decide.
In the meantime, here is some more music from Sweets of Sin by Frank Mankyboddle in 1991, which feels suspiciously appropriate today...
I dig the music like my own little grave
The notes ring hollow in the bitter air
This tune of exile craves a page
Away from the score, away from the Master's hands...
Futurissimo (with crescendo)
My astral strikes that sign the way
The burning cluster takes the page
Away from the tune, away from the Master's hands...
Futurissimo... Futurissimo...
Amen innuendo, concertino
The fearing chorus calls on YOU
To turn the paces, soft and slow
Away from the noise, away from the Master's hands...
There's a future for you... Futurissimo...
A tenner in a wine glass plays the rebel
A drowning voice betrays defeat
The haunted legend flees the page
Away from the stage, away from the Master's hands...
Accelerando? Non comprando!
The rumor rambles in the seats
The cheated crowd is taking leave
Away from the lies, away from the Master's hands.
Futurissimo... Futurissimo... Futurissimo...
And some stuff from The Youth of Australia: Brain Power.
BEN CHATHAM: But I'm forgetting my manners. I welcome you aall to The Cosi Van Tutte Psychiatric Nuthouse, not - as you were led to believe - a simple research facility for mental health, but the most important and heavily defended outposts under my absolute control.
ANDREW: Is that what you call this? I thought it was a dull playground where looneys like you were given electro-shock aversion therapy to make them even halfway decent members of society. All you've done it turn it into a funhouse for you and some meth-amphetine-addicted nutters in robes!
BEN CHATHAM: And with this 'funhouse' as you call it, I shall create a dynasty of sophistication which will rule this oddly-shaped continent forever! A strong empire starts here, at The Cosi Van Tutte Psychiatric Nuthouse, where I shall confirm my right to rule! Sanity, morality, reality - forget them all!
DAVE: [GROANS] Oh God, he wants to take over the country... I thought you hated Australia? Why would you ever want to conquer it?
BEN CHATHAM: This squalid little plot of soil you call home actually has some redeeming features. It is uniquely placed near Asia, all the southern trading routes touch on it, a prosperous western economy, its Gross Domestic Product is higher than the UK, Germany or France, uranium desposits, Anglo Saxon dominance, diverse and highly tasty flora and fauna. An independent island, an off-shore asset with a population of 21 million easily useful as slave labor and over 80% of them can understand the Queen's English and they despise the Chav - or "Bogan" as you insist on referring to them as. In short, a weapon already forged is just waiting for the right person to take over.
Dave sniggers.
DAVE: And that would be you?
Ben Chatham turns to face them, eyes gleaming.
BEN CHATHAM: Yes, Dave Restal. I intend to take over your country. Your sportsman, artist, armies and media will place themselves at my disposal. I shall create a new Elite comprising all those Cambridge graduates with firsts, a commonwealth of unquestioning obedience, total ruthlessness, naked aggression, but above all - refined, sophisticated culture! And we shall declare war on the Chavs of this planet!
ANDREW: World War III?
BEN CHATHAM: Yes, and I've read up on the last two. There will be no mistakes, no disastrous errors of judgement. First New Zealand, then Papua New Guinea and Indonesia...
DAVE: You think America is going to take any crap like that?
BEN CHATHAM: Oh, yes, I do. While I systematically overrun the minor countries, I shall spark a war between Russia, China and America. Those three superpowers will wipe themselves out and once the giants are dead, the rest of Earth will become the world of Ben Chatham, amateur archaelogist! The Chav Scum eliminated! Only the upper classes will thrive and prosper! Wealth beyond the dreams of Harrods shall be mine!
ANDREW: [LAUGHS] Ah see rivers FOAMING with absinthe!
DAVE: How exactly are you going to take over Australia from one, very small and underbudgeted lunatic asylum?
BEN CHATHAM: The Prime Minister will arrive here tomorrow at eleven o'clock as part of his public relations folly and he will have the honor of trying out the Unclear Power process... whether he wants to or not. He will of course be rendered a vegetable but no one will notice. How does that help me, you ask? Well, nature abhors a vacuum. Especially a power vacuum. This country will need a leader and I shall replace it.
ANDREW: You'll have to fight off Costello, first.
BEN CHATHAM: Once I control this continent, my era of conquest and glory begins!
DAVE: You really think you could run a whole commonwealth? You couldn't organize a piss-up in a brewery!
ANDREW: Yeah, what are your policies? Get everyone pissed on absinthe until we go back to the Stone Age?
DAVE: Replace the National Anthem with a Bowie Compilation?
ANDREW: Apologize to the Indigenous Australians about the Stolen Generation?
BEN CHATHAM: [PUZZLED] Apologize to the who about the what?
DAVE: Not so different from the previous government, then, eh?
BEN CHATHAM: I will triumph!
Andrew shakes his head.
ANDREW: No chance.
BEN CHATHAM: All the cards are in my favor, and I have an unbeatable ally.
DAVE: Who? Lucy?
BEN CHATHAM: Not Lucy. Lucifer.
Andrew, Dave and Nigel exchange looks.
BEN CHATHAM: I am in league with Lucifer, Satan, the Fallen Angel. The Devil himself.
ANDREW: I dunno about you, but my respect for the Prince of Darkness just dropped a fair bit.
BEN CHATHAM: You don't believe me?
DAVE: Benji, I wouldn't believe you if you said Chris Lilley was a transvestite!
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32 comments:
Well... to be honest I think you'd be better off concentrating on original work... I mean, obviously, the parodies don't really take too much time for you to write, but the amount of effort you put into Zranti Beast was staggering. Personally I'd guess the fact that you're even asking betrays the fact that you don't really want to do it, in which case I'd definitely say don't bother.
Yeah, probably. I guess it was the total apathy Spara had for it - he didn't hate it, didn't like it. Which is annoying, because I do love to cause extremes...
I think, though, that this post was the dromedary that snapped the straw's spine.
Meantime, I think I'll chill out with the SJA adventures. I admit, I love Slitheen as high school teachers ("Yeah, study hard children. You all KNOW none of you are good enough to be pop stars. You morons don't even understand string theory...")
I think, though, that this post was the dromedary that snapped the straw's spine.
Fuck. I wonder if TAFE's playing hell with Blogger because somehow, and I am very sure I would have noticed that, I had not seen that post until now.
"A monastery and a threat from outer-space" Wow. That only sounds like about 50% of Chatham stories..
Meantime, I think I'll chill out with the SJA adventures.
What? SJA is actually OUT?
I got the impression it was 'the show that will never be made'...
I admit, I love Slitheen as high school teachers
Probably the best place for them, really.
Fuck. I wonder if TAFE's playing hell with Blogger because somehow, and I am very sure I would have noticed that, I had not seen that post until now.
I honestly can't be arsed to post a comment on the sudden influx...
"A monastery and a threat from outer-space" Wow. That only sounds like about 50% of Chatham stories..
75% I thought...
A monastery. They're lots of fun to draw... warning: lethal amounts of sarcasm.
I mean, at least Zranti was vaguely interesting by Chatham standards. Maybe, if Spartha Jones was in it, but no. I have no hopes at all for this one.
What? SJA is actually OUT?
I got the impression it was 'the show that will never be made'...
They've finished and the first two eps have been shown. Downloaded the first and very good too.
Probably the best place for them, really.
Yeah, the Slitheen fit a lot better in this "kid's show". They don't clash as badly as in Aliens of London, where all the humans seem to be acting like Ridley Scott's aliens have PMS...
Some of Ben's lines in Brain Power seem familiar...
You wouldn't happen to be ripping off unfinished Trenchcoat stories...
Cameron
Some of Ben's lines in Brain Power seem familiar...
Are they? Which ones?
You wouldn't happen to be ripping off unfinished Trenchcoat stories...
No. Not consciously, anyway. I haven't actually read much of S34, just Land of the Free. Probably stringing it out so I still have Trenchcoat left to look at.
All of Ben's scenes are written by the Spara method of writing off the top of your head into the internet browser... though I can't for the life of me remember where I got Ben's 'spark off war between superpowers' bit. Most of the rant was created with Australia's wiki page...
Though bits of the rant come from The War Chief, the Graff Vynda K, the Master, the UGH and Egrorian in Blake's 7.
Still can't remember where the war idea came from though...
Don't do it. It'll piss him off if nobody plays along!
Or will it make him stronger?
But, OK, Bernie.
I hereby announce that unless 'The Lindig Valley Mystery' becomes new, exciting, interesting and reasonable to draw (unlikely) then I refuse to take ANY part in it.
Are they? Which ones?
The order in which he wants to conquer the world; it reminds me of the few lines that exist from Death by D'Syne.
Cameron
I hadn't thought of that at all...
No, mind you, take away the Nestene Cybermen hybrids and the Master, and DBDS is practically a YOA story already...
For what it's worth, D'Syne's rant: "Hitler had it wrong: FIRST you take Manhatten, THEN you take Berlin!" is a reference to a pop song...
I was not 'Indifferent' to your Zranti Beast strip , I thought it looked absolutely great.
My only objection was to Ben being beaten up by a girl.
Have you been unwell by the way? If so get well soon.
What an honor.
Seriously.
And, in response, Spara, if you WEREN'T indifferent to it, why didn't you notice I had Tara beat up Ben on the third page.
Which you did not object to. Or even comment upon. Did you even bother to read it?
THAT is the indifference I protest at.
BTW, "My only objection was to Ben being beaten up by a girl." sounds very sexist. Next time I'll make sure he's beaten up by a greco-roman wrestler...
"Have you been unwell by the way? If so get well soon."
Well, thank you for that. But I was not ill, my grandfather died and I had to arrange his funeral.
Next time I'll make sure he's beaten up by a greco-roman wrestler...
Careful, Ben might enjoy that...
Cameron
That's the idea.
So long as you're the one drawing it...
But THAT's the whole point - he mightn't be!
Do try and pay attention, Mason.
[/Desmond Llewellyn]
Gosh, it's all go here tonight...
Cameron Mason presents Adam Rickett as Sparacus' Ben Chatham in The Chav Who Loved Me
Featuring:
Bruno Langley
Andrew Hayden-Smith
Jonas Armstrong
'That cute chap out of that show'
John Barrowman
David Tennant
And
Billie Piper
Ack! Sausages! A string of sausages! All the same, all alike! AND NO FUN TO DRAW!
I know, but the main thing is this:
Do you think I listed the cast in order of importance according to Sparacus?
Cameron
Very likely.
"And, in response, Spara, if you WEREN'T indifferent to it, why didn't you notice I had Tara beat up Ben on the third page."
I did notice but decided that her lashing out was possibly understandable. It was her orgy of violence at the end that I found over the top.
"Well, thank you for that. But I was not ill, my grandfather died and I had to arrange his funeral."
Sorry to hear about his.
I did notice but decided that her lashing out was possibly understandable. It was her orgy of violence at the end that I found over the top.
I found it so much more believable than her jumping into bed with Ben when her boyfriend hasn't been dead a day...
Why did you write that ending? Especially as Ben would just discard her at the start of the next story like she didn't exist. There was no point to it at all.
this
...this what?
But, er, commiserations accepted and all that. Thanks.
I can't believe Miss Moneypenny is dead.
Cameron
It's your fault, Cam - connecting Chatham and Bond, you knew the women would be the first to die...
I thought that the only risk would be the next Bond film delayed by six months...
I feel so guilty...
Cameron
You knew not what you did...
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