BRISTOL
Parte the First - Pissweak Cliffhanger Reprise Retcon
The TARDIS lands in the grounds of The Cedars Private Clinic For Absolute Fucking Nutters in Bristol, a well-maintained Victorian building set among a spacious and well-kept garden.
"THIS is the best you can do?!" Donna Noble complains as she, Tom Wallace and the Doctor stagger out onto the grass, struggling to support the immensely gravid Ben Chatham/Benita Chatham/Abby Simpson.
"Exclusive private clinic, her own time zone, where her family can visit, lovely Victorian neo-gothic architecture. It's not that bad, surely!"
"I thought we'd be off to some space lab or something to turn her back!" Tom growls, referring to a previous plot development which, for the moment, completely escapes me and might actually be completely irrelevant.
"No point," the Doctor says grimly. "She can't change back, not physically at least, her DNA is completely rewritten."
"You mean I'm stuck like this forever?" wails the pregnant blonde. "Oh very perceptive," she suddenly chips in irritated. "I don't know why you bother with her, Doctor. What sort of companion are you dragging around without me? I bet she uses heroin and suffers withdrawal symptoms! Is that why you're dumping me in this lunatic asylum?"
"Oh, this is just creeping me out," Tom complains.
"Abby's still alive!" Donna gasps with delight, and they promptly drop her.
"Yeah," the blonde complains. "But now I'm stuck sharing my head with a complete bastard. Quit dissing me! Whatever I've done I'm still Ben Chatham and you all love me! Oh great, loads of commonophobia, chavophobia, childophobia! You are constructing a simplistic caricature of my complex mental state! And a split personality who wusses out of all the dangerous business, instead choosing to drink over-expensive alcohol and sleep with fellow posh men. I am truly blessed. Now you're talking sense. Oh shut the fuck up, Ben!"
to be continued...
2 comments:
Good stuff, Youth.
I wish you were at the DWF to perk things up a bit at Myth Makers. Whatever remnants of fun the Chathamverse had have long gone since LBC took the canon baton & started to write Ben with actual effort.
Dare I admit that, perhaps Spara's haphazard, half-arsed approach was actually the RIGHT way? Cola is way too up his own arse to pull off succeeding Goacher.
Maybe by opening the can of worms that was the CSFC web address, I've actually shot myself in the foot by helping Spara into his (temporary) seclusion. Oh dear.
Or maybe I should stop giving a fuck about a few boring-arse posts at Myth Makers & concentrate on posting about wrestling, Coronation Street, EastEnders, &, oh... that thing with the lanky streak of piss with the teeth & the chubby ginger woman with the chin blemish... what's it called?...
... Oh yeah, Doctor Who.
Good stuff, Youth.
Ta. Might be a while before there's much else, though.
I wish you were at the DWF to perk things up a bit at Myth Makers.
...what makes you think I'm not? I've been so many people over the years. The Youth of Australia, manmiles, The Big N, Chamber, Dr. Spoon, Fugitoid... even Ben Chatham. I could be anyone. Well, anyone except YOA. They keep an eye out for that nowadays.
Whatever remnants of fun the Chathamverse had have long gone since LBC took the canon baton & started to write Ben with actual effort.
Effort equal to that of reading it.
Dare I admit that, perhaps Spara's haphazard, half-arsed approach was actually the RIGHT way? Cola is way too up his own arse to pull off succeeding Goacher.
Spara's aim has always been to 'pitch' ideas and plots, which only became frustrating because he'd never improve them. See his season 4, the first episode being a paragraph, the thirteenth being two pages. Prose was never his strongpoint... if indeed he has one, but still, he cut to the chase and made it easy on the eye to read.
Maybe by opening the can of worms that was the CSFC web address, I've actually shot myself in the foot by helping Spara into his (temporary) seclusion. Oh dear.
And if you hadn't, would things be better? Probably not. They'd just be different. Spara would have started a Cast Kyle thread, his blog would be full of stupid photo pin ups and bigotry, and MLock and LBC would be drooling more.
Or maybe I should stop giving a fuck about a few boring-arse posts at Myth Makers & concentrate on posting about wrestling, Coronation Street, EastEnders, &, oh... that thing with the lanky streak of piss with the teeth & the chubby ginger woman with the chin blemish... what's it called?... Oh yeah, Doctor Who.
Charming. I put up my reviews of the eps on my other blog, YOA's Blog of the Unusually Pointless.
Who knows? Maybe my opinion for once coincides with the silent majority's?
Post a Comment