Rural England, 2009. Desperately tyring to find something, anything more interesting than a lecture on Gothic architecture at Norwich Cathedral, the Doctor and Donna discover, to their surprise, that a non-stop sex rampage is about to engulf a forgettable seaside town which is stalked every night by the sinister Craig Ferguson, failed and bitter Scottish comedian determined to get revenge on a world that always assumed he was Robbie Coltrane at a low ebb.As the Doctor and Donna try to enjoy a Bilurian orgy of peace between the stupid apes and the sexy lizards, it becomes clear that stark disaster is going to strike this rather romantic little interlude. For a strange, smoothe-chested degenerate is in town...
...and Ben Chatham will leave no survivors!
Donna's craving for Pop Tarts doesn't seem particularly dangerous or catastrophic, but when combined with the uselessness of Ben Chatham, trigger a chain of circumstances that fragments the law that holds the universe together. From the dark wilderness of Cardiff during the English Polite War to a nightmare hell of 2009 Emperor of Chath'haam to a complete lack of universe altogether.
Once again, Ben Chatham's idiocy has risked the safety of conterminous time... and only two unemployed Australian handymen who just happen to have access to a time/space translocation podule and a disturbing admiration of Billie Piper can help the Doctor and Donna save the day.
But can even Doctor Spoon and Arco Chamber prevent the catharsis of spurious morality?
Searching desperately for a way to escape rural England and his incredibly irritating stalker bitch, Ben Chatham, the Doctor and Donna turn desperately to Damian Satan, the Chief Executive Officer of the Mysterious Excavations And Power Supply Enterprizes, a subsiduary of the We're Not Aliens Honest Corporation, whose path has been blighted by a certain smoothe archaeologist. As events hurtle towards a brain-splintering climax, the dark truth behind Earth's civilization will be revealed, Ben Chatham faces his final destiny, the TARDIS crew changes forever and the Doctor finds himself caught in an alliance of three of his oldest enemies... just three not-very-good ones.
Is there any way out of this holocaust or are our worst fears confirmed and...
THIS STORY ARC IS FUCKED!
16 comments:
Oh... my... GOD!
Chamber and Doctor Spoon are REAL PEOPLE! Seriously scary stuff...
I also like the This Story Arc is Fucked! cover, but have been a bit distracted to post about it.. there seems to be something wonderfully suiting about the high camp Casanova picture of Tennant.
Is the purple bloke Bowie or Clary?
Oh... my... GOD!
Chamber and Doctor Spoon are REAL PEOPLE! Seriously scary stuff...
Actually those aren't the REAL Chamber and Doctor Spoon, it's just I don't have any pictures of them on the harddrive.
Doctor Spoon is portrayed by Tom Bell, who played the Seventh Doctor the same way Bill Nighy played the Ninth Doctor (newspaper error).
Chamber is portrayed by Vincent Kairsomething or other who played the very Andrewish Ozzie in Mastermind with Patrick Stewart, and Connor in "Angel". I picked him because Chamber is basically a less self-involved version of Nigel and Conner is who I based Nigel's voice and appearance on (except of course, Vince ain't Aboriginal with bleach blonde hair).
I also like the This Story Arc is Fucked! cover, but have been a bit distracted to post about it..
Anything wrong?
there seems to be something wonderfully suiting about the high camp Casanova picture of Tennant.
Yeah. Maybe I'm being a Moron, but I always preferred his Sgt Pepper outfit to the one he wears as the Doctor.
Is the purple bloke Bowie or Clary?
Clary. The picture of him was in black and white, so I applied a colour filter, but he ended up looking like the Joker.
Actually those aren't the REAL Chamber and Doctor Spoon, it's just I don't have any pictures of them on the harddrive.
They look real enough to me!
Anything wrong?
Nah, just had a fair bit of TAFE work that needed to be done.
And it's my birthday tomorrow.
Yeah. Maybe I'm being a Moron, but I always preferred his Sgt Pepper outfit to the one he wears as the Doctor.
I'm happy with one or t'other really.
(And, besides, it's pretty obvious bright blue harlequin outfits will be no-go for the Doctor for some time - he has to look like somebody on the street now!)
Clary. The picture of him was in black and white, so I applied a colour filter, but he ended up looking like the Joker.
Ah, that explains it.
Also, I only just noticed that THE COVERS USE THE GOODIES FONT! How good is this!
They look real enough to me!
Well, they're pictures of real people...
Nah, just had a fair bit of TAFE work that needed to be done.
And it's my birthday tomorrow.
Happy birthday, man.
Anything I can get you? Another sixteen hundred CDs mayhaps?
How about all of All Things Must Pass up on the blog in the next few minutes?
I'm happy with one or t'other really.
(And, besides, it's pretty obvious bright blue harlequin outfits will be no-go for the Doctor for some time - he has to look like somebody on the street now!)
Great...
Also, I only just noticed that THE COVERS USE THE GOODIES FONT! How good is this!
Odd, but the Goodies font is called "Mama", and the Spoon/Chamber logo used the Young One font and the Dalek font respectively...
Happy birthday, man.
Anything I can get you? Another sixteen hundred CDs mayhaps?
Welllll, I had been thinking that a couple of Sly and Davison stories wouldn't go astray for a bit of variety...
Of course, I'm still working my way through the ones you've given me so far.
(A bit disappointed with Her Final Flight so far. And the trailer was so good!)
How about all of All Things Must Pass up on the blog in the next few minutes?
I wouldn't want you to strain anything...
Great...
Though I still think Tennant looks 'odd' enough. Mind you, if I was the Doctor I'd want to have a cape.
Odd, but the Goodies font is called "Mama",
How Freudian.
and the Spoon/Chamber logo used the Young One font and the Dalek font respectively...
Ah, I got the Dalek font, but couldn't place the other one. Good work.
Welllll, I had been thinking that a couple of Sly and Davison stories wouldn't go astray for a bit of variety...
Which ones do you want?
Of course, I'm still working my way through the ones you've given me so far.
Tut tut.
(A bit disappointed with Her Final Flight so far. And the trailer was so good!)
I was a bit down on that, too.
I wouldn't want you to strain anything...
Nonsense. All done.
How Freudian.
Very.
Ah, I got the Dalek font, but couldn't place the other one. Good work.
Tah.
Another cover goes up!
Which ones do you want?
God, now you've got me on the spot... erm..
Well, for Sylv I know I want to hear Bing-Bang-a-Boom! even if it's crap just because of Graeme Garden.. and I'd give Colditz a go..
Erm, for Davison I'd say Phantasmagoria, Omega, and Spare Parts (Though I have a sneaking suspicion you might've given me SP..)
I haven't read reviews to get these, though.. I've just looked at lists of titles..
I was a bit down on that, too.
Nothing I can tell wrong with the plot so far... it's just not terribly interesting..
Nonsense. All done.
Will R&R soon, my fried.
Also: squeee!
Another cover goes up!
Is that a sycorax?
God, now you've got me on the spot... erm..
Well, for Sylv I know I want to hear Bing-Bang-a-Boom! even if it's crap just because of Graeme Garden.. and I'd give Colditz a go..
I must admit, hearing DT trying to rape Ace is more disturbing than it used to be...
Erm, for Davison I'd say Phantasmagoria, Omega, and Spare Parts (Though I have a sneaking suspicion you might've given me SP..)
Might have. Honestly cannot remember. Be warned: Phantasmagoria is 80% David Walliams and Mark Gattis doing silly voices... and irritating silly voices and all.
I haven't read reviews to get these, though.. I've just looked at lists of titles..
Well, SP is pretty decent. And it's got Jenna in it. And BBAB isn't bad, but listening to it it's like one of those extended Red Dwarf episodes without the laughter track, so there are lots of pauses whihc make it sound less funny.
Nothing I can tell wrong with the plot so far... it's just not terribly interesting..
Yeah. It has that 'who cares?' vibe to it...
So that's Phantasamagoria, Spare Parts and Omega, plus Colitz and Bang Bang A Boom. Any else?
Also: squeee!
Why?
Is that a sycorax?
No. I thought Spara's depiction of the Silurians/Sea Devils was so bad, I might as well use any kind of reptile monster rather than anything connected to the TV show...
Phantasmagoria is 80% David Walliams and Mark Gattis doing silly voices... and irritating silly voices and all.
Oh.
Is that why your pisstake was centred around Sir Nigel Verkoff and friends, while the Doctor and Turlough got pissed in a wine cellar?
And BBAB isn't bad, but listening to it it's like one of those extended Red Dwarf episodes without the laughter track, so there are lots of pauses whihc make it sound less funny.
That sounds a bit odd.
Why did they get rid of the laugh track in Red Dwarf VII anyway? It had become part of the show! (And it also shows up how terribly unfunny a lot of SVII is...)
Any else?
Not that I can think of.
Why?
BECAUSE I CAN!
No. I thought Spara's depiction of the Silurians/Sea Devils was so bad, I might as well use any kind of reptile monster rather than anything connected to the TV show...
Good thinking!
Oh.
Is that why your pisstake was centred around Sir Nigel Verkoff and friends, while the Doctor and Turlough got pissed in a wine cellar?
Yep. The Doc and Turlough are massively sidelined, and the Doctor just drinks sherry and thinks deep thoughts about the plot while Turlough... is just hungry. He has no personality whatsoever.
That sounds a bit odd.
Why did they get rid of the laugh track in Red Dwarf VII anyway? It had become part of the show! (And it also shows up how terribly unfunny a lot of SVII is...)
Simple.
But it's a very long story.
In short, there was a live studio audience for every season bar 7, and it was canned laughter for it rather than the genuine stuff.
As for why Season 7 was so utterly unfunny, Paul Alexander wrote most of it, and he ended up ripping off other episodes in desperation (most notably Stoke Me a Clipper, which ripped off Dimension Jump and Gunmen of the Apocalypse scene by scene, and based on the old Smegazine comic strips).
BECAUSE I CAN!
Yes, Great Sage, Equal of the Order of Heaven
Good thinking!
Thank you.
Yep. The Doc and Turlough are massively sidelined, and the Doctor just drinks sherry and thinks deep thoughts about the plot while Turlough... is just hungry. He has no personality whatsoever.
...in that case you can probably substitute Phantasmagoria for "whichever 5th Doc/Turlough story is pretty good"
Well, I instinctively go for Singularity, but... well...
Let's just say if you took a certain RTD episode, removed anything he'd ripped off from me and turned the rest into a four parter with 5Doc and Turlough, you'd get something very much like Singularity.
Still, Loups Garoux works pretty well.
Seeing as you claim that RTD steals all his ideas from you, you haven't exactly narrowed the field..
Not all of it is down to RTD.
Basically, if JNT had made Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords in Season 21, focusing on the humanity/Toclafane stuff and not the Master, it would be EXACTLY like Singularity, even down to the Paradox Machine and Utopia.
Well, that definitely isn't dissuading me. Chuck it in, then!
It's a good story, very much a missing adventure with a nice bit of character development betwixt Doctor and Turlough as they sense the winds of change approaching...
OK, it pretty much kills off the idea of further 5Doc/Turlough stories, but when BF have every fourth release contradicting everything from Caves of Androzani part one to Trial of a Time Lord fourteen, you just sort of go with the flow...
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