8 World on the Edge

2.7 - Captain Jack Harkness And The City On The World On The Edge Of Tomorrow Of Forever:

Rose wants to shag Ben on another planet – they haven't done that yet no matter what lies they've been telling you in spin-off novels. As Adam administers chloroform to the guinea-pig-hating Doctor, Ben pilots the TARDIS to the Andromeda galaxy, specifically the peaceful world of Zetar 3.

Leaving the sedated Time Lord in the TARDIS, Ben takes Rose and Adam out for a brisk walk to meet the native hunter-gatherers who he insists are in no way shape or form cannibals as there is a plenty of vegetation and countryside as rich and beautiful and luscious as... well, Ben's chest.

Ben is concerned when he spots a large structure in the distance – a huge metal owl. It is now that any of the TARDIS crew wonder what happened to the nasty owl of the first two episodes. Ben is concerned as he is absolutely convinced that the Zetarians are neolithic nomads, even though he's never been off Earth before.

Ben hastily covers this by hastily pointing out that building a giant metal owl requires a highly sophisticated society. As does the sight of two blonde men in dressing gowns fleeing from a huge tank-like vehicle that slices through the vegetation like logic through this script.

The TARDIS crew run after the blonde men and, after an indescribably tortuous and repetitive chase sequence, hide in a cave. By this time, Ben has learned through unknown means that the dressing-gown-wearing blondes are the Crell tribe, fleeing from the dozens of evil harvester machines sent out by the giant metal owl every day. Crells and animals are snatched by the harvesters and never seen again as the budget won't cover that.

Ben also knows that the metal owl was built by aliens – yes, ALIENS! AGAIN! - who arrived long ago and have taken their own sweet time before harvesting every living thing on Zetar 3. Luckily, with Ben's keen eyesight, he spotted an unguarded side entrance in the west face of the giant metal owl.

Ben leads the rest of the gang there and, somehow avoiding the harvesters, enter the metal owl. Ben is concerned. For some reason. Inside the owl is your average evil base full of rambling corridors and robotic arms.

Adam stupidly sets off an alarm and he, Rose and the Crells are taken captive by a big metal hand. Ben, being amazing, escapes. Somehow. He also leaps to the shockingly accurate conclusion that the metal owl has been build by the Viss-Takers – green monsters that eat people. For some reason or another.

Like any number of decent TV monsters like Axons, Nimons, Vampires, Wraiths, the "Independence Day" aliens and, indeed, humanity... the Viss-Takers travel from planet to planet building colonies and harvesting food - till the planet is drained of humanoid life and any other form of life that tastes like chicken.

The Viss-Takers target undeveloped worlds, so they're not all bad. But this is no reason for Ben Chatham, Space Adventurer, to spare them. Ducking into a side cell Ben single-handedly street-fights several innocent Viss-Taker sorters, and finds Captain Jack Harkness seducing some blonde, busty Crells!

As Ben and Jack have not met before there is no time wasted on explaining how he escaped the last fix we saw him and thus this isn't a credulity-straining meeting that they just HAPPEN to bump each into each other in the same metal owl on the same planet in the same time and have been in Doctor Who before.

Jack also refuses to reveal why he didn't already escape via his dimensionally-transcendental backside gun. Together, they enter the handily marked SECRET CONTROL ROOM, wait for the Viss-Takers to pop out for a smoke and Ben rips off his shirt and uses it to smash the special control panels. Which do something bad. I suppose.

This not only allows all Viss-Taker prisoners to escape unharmed but also conveniently sets off the self-destruct mechanism in the owl. Ben, Jack and the other credited cast members escape the owl as it explodes and wipes out the parasitic Viss-Takers forever.

Rose is overwhelmed with relief and hugs Ben - holding him close and running her hand over his muscular chest. She, Adam and Jack can merely stand in awe and boast how clever he is and so much better than the Doctor at saving the universe.

Jack agrees to join Ben for a while and the new enlarged crew set off on their next adventure.

The End.