The Ben Chatham Wikipedia page II

Antecedents to Ben Chatham
Before the name Ben Chatham was ever used by Sparacus, he had written two intense scripts for Season 1 of Doctor Who starring Christopher Eccleston - ostensibly to better the official novels being released at the time. With their meandering plots, gratuitious sex scenes and recurring appearances of Adam Rickitt, they can be considered as pilots to the Sparacus universe.

Aliens In The Orchid House (Set between Father's Day and The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances)
Unsurprisingly, the TARDIS lands on Earth and the Doctor and Rose head to the nearby manor house for some lunch. They meet Daphne and Rex, a copulating couple who recognize 'Dr Who' and beg him to save them from a monster in the forest. Arriving at the house, the mutilated butler claims he saw something horrible before dropping dead. As a young man called Alistair claims his sex session with the chauffer Clive was interrupted by a hideous alien monster, the Doctor gets bored and that night realizes it was an 'Axoid' while everyone else is in their bedrooms occupying themselves. In the Orchid House, the Doctor finds Daphne murdered by Sir Archibald Phibes who is really Scaroth, while the Celestial Toymaker, a Zygon, a Slitheen in the form of Jessie Wallace, the Rani, Captain Jack, green Naroids, Adam Mitchell, Harrison Chase are also making things complicated. However, the inhabitants of the house refuse to let this vulgarity interfere with their own activities. Finally, the orchids chase away the villains and Rose is seduced by Alistair.

Alistair was played by Adam Rickitt, who Sparacus deemed would become a companion to the Doctor and Rose since Rickitt had just been 'unfairly dropped from Corination Street' was deserved to be offered a part in Doctor Who. Although it took over a year to finish, there is no doubt that this Sparacus' most popular work - he regularly recieves requests to do sequels, and concedes the characters have potential. There was much debate over whether or not at some point Ken Dodd would appear having sex with a gell guard, but the author thought it would be tasteless. A semi sequel, Return to the Orchid House, was begun, but rapidly became obvious it was a cut-and-paste of the original script with Rose replaced with Martha and more anti-feminism propaganda added.

The Enemy of Time (Set between Boomtown and Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways)
Suddenly guilty over his treatment of Adam Mitchell, the Doctor returns to collect him to remove the info spike. However, a powerful force diverts the TARDIS to 1311 Berkshire, England during the reign of King Edward. Arriving outside the mysterious castle Fortmain, owned by the Earl of Northumberland, Rose immediately decides to dress as a medieval prostitute while the others insult her for being an overweight chav. The Doctor talks his way into Fortmain claiming to be the Earl of Clacton, with Lady Rosalyn Tyler of Peckham, with two vassals. As they enter, a UFO lands. Inside the Earl is determined to consume all the food they have been provided for by the King who is due to arrive tomorrow. Jack and Rose flirt until they decide the Geordie jester is awful and so Jack beats him up and performs a striptease. The Doctor meanwhile is distracted by a cloaked figure with glowing eyes - an otherwise naked Piers Gaveston, sent by the King in paranoia that the Earl and his Queen are having an affair. The glowing red eyes were just the result of alcohol poisoning. They hear Rose's screams, but this is just her and Jack fornicating on the banquet table. That night, the TARDIS crew decide to leave in the morning despite Jack's determinate to sleep with "posh bird Lady Cordelia". A ghostly knight appears, claiming to be Hamlet. The Doctor deduces this is a fake, caused by King Edward. The King is league with Sontarans, who chase after the Doctor, Jack and Adam only to discover Rose and Cordelia are "exploring each other", as are the Earl and Gaveston in the next room. Commander Seer of Sontaran battlefleet 506 has been drawn to Earth by the strange force that drew the TARDIS there. The Doctor suggests they join forces when the King disappears, and a dark shadow advances on the group... Aggedor, which the Doctor easily tames with some jelly babies. The King reappears and explains that he believes the Sontarans are Knights Exemplar returned from the crusade to aid him. Abruptly, all bar the Doctor vanish, and he eventually finds Adam and Jack "having a quickie".

This story was abandoned to due the author 'running low on creative juices', but believed it was worth a sequel despite the fact it was unfinished. Piers Gaveston is unsurprisingly, Adam Rickitt. The Earl of Northumberland was played by Orlando Bloom, with Dale Winton as King Edward II.

Return to the Orchid House (Set after Harvest of Evil)
Although written after the creation of Ben Chatham, the character does not actually appear in this sequel to Aliens in the Orchid House. In a straightforward rewrite, the Tenth Doctor and Martha arrive at the manor house and regularly insult each other. Stumbling across the adulterous members of the household, the Doctor sells Martha as a sex slave.

This story is unfinished, and despite being 'a serious adult depiction of 1920s decadence' featured canned laughter, hardcore gay sex and regular sexist and racist abuse of Martha Jones. Unlike its predecessor, there has been absolutely no interest or enjoyment of this tale.


Ben Chatham Spin Off Series
The end of April 2006 saw Sparacus decide to let other people writer 'official' adventures for Ben Chatham. Despite several serious (and not so serious) proposals, Sparacus declined all offers, and continues to exclusively write the stories that make up the 'canon' of Ben's adventures (although all these stories received far more praise than the entire Sparacus canon put together). Here is a list of some of those proposed ideas.

Untitled Series by Cameron Mason
The most serious of all the proposed Ben Chatham series, the idea behind this was to turn Ben into a three-dimensional character with human flaws and frailities, to make him likable. Then once the audience realised that they could actually like Ben as a character without killing him off horribly.

This series would have seen Ben working as a tutor for a university as he completes his PhD in archaeology. The series would have started off at the beginning of his second semester at the university - he's settled in, the students know him, he has a working relationship with his supervisor. Everything is going great. Then Torchwood ring up various people about him, and things start to go wrong, wrong to the point where no one trusts him anymore (Eps 1 - 9). Then in a loose trilogy, things will happen to turn things on their head and Ben wins back some of the trust he's recently lost (Eps 10 - 12). The final episode reveals Torchwood's interest in Ben - they want his help and his skills. Accompanied (for some reason), by the rest of the regular cast, they conduct an archaeological investigation on an isolated island, declared a "no go zone" during World War Two by Torchwood. At the episode's climax a familiar Doctor Who monster (the Sea Devils) pops out, threatening Ben and what's left of the regular cast with certain doom...

Initial sarting points for the plots of the first nine episodes were culled from rejected Bernice Summerfield proposals Cameron had submitted to Big Finish. Three paragraph story synopses were condensed back into a one line summary, then rewritten for Ben. The three part story would have had a cross over with Ewen Campion-Clarke's Odyssey series, before the final thrilling episode.

Proposed story lines included the following:
- Ben is harrassed by an South American tribesman for digging in sacred ground.
- Ben meets the new head of his University following a hostile takeover
- Ben returns to a place from his past to find a lost item
- Ben has precognitive dreams of a disasterous dig and tries to change things...
- Ben discovers an inconsistent history text and seeks to find out why it is so
- Ben investigates the death of student
- Ben negotiates the display of a rare artifact
- Ben meets with someone who claims ownership of an ancient site and murders them after they reveal their evil plans for the site
- Ben takes time out to ponder about his life and where he is headed
Episode 10 - A chance comment leads to Ben making an important discovery...
Episode 11 - Now getting treatment, Ben seems to be getting back to normal, but then the side effects kick in...
Episode 12 - Desperate for a cure, Ben volunteers for an experimental drug test, which puts him in a coma; and face to face with the cause of his illness...
Episode 13 - Torchwood reveal their interest in Ben, and a seemingly innocent survey on a deserted island becomes a killing field as Ben faces his destiny...


Ben Chatham and the Absinthe Conspiracy by Kinggodzillak
This as-yet unfinished story tells of Ben's struggles to cope with reality after Harrods runs about of absinthe. Currently the only tale in unlikely-ever-to-be-completed-let-alone-released Ben Chatham Annual 2007.


Odyssey by Ewen Campion-Clarke
"On December 24th, 2006, amateur archaeologist Benjamin Sebastian Chatham was doing research into pre-Christian remnants and associations in the small village of Little Balcome. That night he disappeared off the face of the Earth, last seen in the company of a strange man calling himself the Doctor near an obsolete metropoliton police box. Ben Chatham subsequently reappeared in the middle of Wales on May 4th, 2010 no older even though four years had passed. Now he must find a place for himself in a future where he doesn't belong and even now is beset by some of the most strangest and disturbing phenomenon known to man. Now in Cardiff, Ben survives as an all-round handyman with an open mind and knowledge of extra terrestrial life forms. If you have a problem... If no one else can help... If it's not too late... And if you can find him... You could do worse than ask Ben Chatham for help."

More satirical in tone, Odyssey saw Ben experience a warped version of the adventures written by Sparacus. Initially beginning with a parallel version of the Sparacus season, starting with The Christmas Invasion and going through Out on the Edge/The Failure of Reason, Bedtime Stories, Loneliness, Remember Tomorrow, The Wooden Planet/Let It End, AfterLife/State of MIND (a crossover with Blake's 7), Stealth Invasion (featuring the Zygons), No Control, Blue Harvest, Silver Finish (a Cyberman trilogy) and Only A Matter of Time. In the final installment, it was revealed that Ben Chatham was possessed by a Transuranic Being that possessed those around him into making them mindlessly adore its host. At the conclusion, Rose decided to remain on Earth and the Doctor and Ben travelled on alone, only for Ben to be cast out into the time vortex and assume to be killed. In fact, he arrived in 2010 and found himself caught in a Cyberman invasion. Due to industrial action by Sparacus, Odyssey was never completed, and ended on a cliffhanger. Sparacus found Odyssey, all in all, interesting but pointless. Critical acclaim was sparser but higher than the Sparacus season.

1: Alone and Silent
Ben meets some new friends while exploring a cave system where people disappear.

2: The Shapes of Things
A shape-shifting creature terrorizes Cardiff and Ben and Theo are the only ones who can stop it.

3: Altered Images
Multiple versions of reality overlap and Ben faces an agonizing choice of which universe to save.

4: Isolated Incidents
A job interview at a haunted mansion has predictably unpredictable results.

5: Crisis Point (due to outside circumstances, this was rendered the final episode).
Ben falls foul of the mysterious Voru Flarigan.

6: Not Forgotten
Ben suffers interrogation at the hands of UNIT Commander Kyben.

7: Dirty Deeds Are Done Dirt Cheap
Theo, Kimberly and Eve ask Voru to help them rescue Ben.

8: Too Clever By Far
Voru's latest plan collapses, revealing his true intentions.

9: The Return
The Cybermen make their move.

10: Dark Dreams
Kimberly's awakening telepathic skills reveal the Cybermen plot.

11: Quickenings
The truth about Eve's child is revealed.

12: The Fifth Horseman
The Cyber virus is released as the Greenhouse crisis reaches its zenith.

13: The End of the Line
The means to defeat the Cybermen has been delivered, but is it too late?


BERKWOOD by hacketm
The original proposed BC spin off, BERKWOOD featured the vapid, empty-headed, vain and above-all incontinent archaeology grad student who spends the entire series trying to discover exactly why the shadowy alien-pusuit organization Berkwood wants him to investigate stuff for them. Every episode would feature Ben blundering into trouble and dying horribly. Also appearing in the show was Ben's partner Nick Proffit, an agressive Australian; Laura Springbok, the division chief who does not find Ben attractive following a traumatic alien abduction; Darryl Hutson, a gay stereotype; John Ascott, the man running Berkwood for the Prime Minister; Mrs. Cassandra Chatham, Ben's chav-hating arrogant mother; Director Boman, the never-seen and very mysteriously enigmatic head of Berkwood. The series would feature Berkwood getting drunk, looking at barrows, having group sex and ignoring the ongoing mysteries, morris dancers and comedy tramps.


The Smoothe Assassin by Miles Reid
1: In Which Ben Chatham Awakens From A Night of Debauchery And Then Has Some Fun
2: In Which Ben Chatham Meets Two Talking Cardboard Cutouts
3: In Which Ben Chatham Undergoes A Horrific Loss And Some Aliens blow stuff Up
4: Dealings with Death (or An Equally Wacky, Yet Pretentious Title.)
5: Crisis on Infinite Chathams!
6: The Final, Completely Incoherent Adventure

"I have a first," he murmured, forced to fall back on the basics of his character profile and proving himself once and for all, to be incapable of actually gaining a third dimension of character reality...

The most violent, sick, depraved, yet shockingly hilarious attempt to create stories for Ben, with a word perfect evocation of Sparacus' unique writing 'style'. Ben goes around saying “All chavs must die” and killing chavs in cold blood and warm absinthe. Spartha Jones and Ian Levine guest star nauseatingly. Despite the incredible and overwhelming acclaim, the sequel-Culture Wars was never released or finished due to its intense political commentary (mind you, the borderline pornographic sexual content was so disgusting that it couldn't go anywhere). Features a guest appearance by Tom Wallace.


Doctor Who in The Door by mn1077
Ben Chatham is alone in the TARDIS and a long knock-knock joke occurs where he refuses to let the Doctor and Rose in until they answer the question. Upon entering, the Doctor slaughters Ben like a pig with the sonic screwdriver.


Ben Chatham Lives! The Further Adventures
1: The Socks and Pants Set That Time Forgot
2: The Mysterious Fisherman of Death's Hat of Doom's Peacock Feather of Menace
3: The Half Price Tickets for Children At Hornsby Pittery... of Death!

Was he wrong to have left the TARDIS and Rose? She was obviously so in love with him due to the fact that that he was a smoothe chested archaelogist with luscious hair and still he had left. Why? Was it because she was a vile chav with the brains of a used teabag? Probably more because he was a complete twat. Also probably because the Doctor had thrown him out on his perky, little arse for being “an annoying gimp.”

Another extremely popular satirical adventure for Ben, involving him being attacked by Cybermen during a stay at hospital after the Doctor has him beaten up by some Sontaran hitmen.


Ben Chatham III – The Last Mug Stand by Nick B
1: The Kitchens of Distinction from Beyond the Grave (of Doom!!)

A sequel to Ben Chatham Lives! The Further Adventures. Ben nearly dies of exhaustion trying to open a tub of margarine. Ben watches Scratching in Filth for Broken Crockery on TV. Three ninjas and a grizzly bear enter to kill Ben but are totally distracted by his "smoothe" chest. The bear shoves Ben's head through a wall and they defecate on the furniture. This is because he rang a toy Barbie mobile in the previous story.


A Bit of DIY by Amanda the Bold
‘What have I done to deserve this?’ Ben protested. ‘Stupid Afghanistan technology!’ he complained, before Rose had a chance to reply to his question. ‘They can’t take over the world so they try and blow us all up with their evil, killer appliances!’

A prose sitcom adventure where the Doctor goes fishing, leaving Rose and Ben to install a new fridge in the console room. Ben's laziness, arrogance and stupidity end up with him getting electrocuted and blowing up the fridge, forcing the duo to come up with a convincing explanation when the Doctor returns.


The New Ben Chatham Adventures # 1: An Ancient Passion by 5greenway
1: Valentine's Night

He flipped through the score on the table, feeling like he was two people. He was Ben Chatham. He played the violin and piano, adequately, but had a nothing kind of a voice, neither one thing nor another. He could read the music on the page and on a whim attempted to sing it. When he heard the pure, clear tenor voice he was somehow producing, the noise in his head threatened to drown it out. He flung the score away from him, stumbled to his feet, found a mirror on the wall and saw... a stranger... a stranger with black-rimmed glasses, a week's growth of beard, dark hair, heavy eyebrows, a stranger...

A completely serious attempt to rehabilitate Ben Chatham, to 'de-Rickkit' Ben and make him a more realistic character. The first and only chapter featured Ben having a fit of existential angst outside a house party with his friend Mary (who he mistakes for Martha) to discover he is going to sing during an Easter mass and realizes he no longer recognizes his reflection.


The Creaporium Of Fear by Time's Champion
1: The Power of Terror

Ben wakes up to a phone call from Steve, despite him being dead. The next morning he kills a man who tries to shoot him. He rings Charles and discovers Charles' non-existent brother died the previous day. There is an explosion.

This story was abandoned when Sparacus refused to admit it existed.


Episode 12: "The Grunt Of The Nyarrghhh!" by Doctor Whoops!

Ben decks out the Zero Room with bondage paraphernalia. Outside the TARDIS, an earth colony is killed by a Troll who repeats the phrase 'Nyarrgh!' over and over again. Ben laughs at it. The Troll will kill all it finds by driving them to the point of collapse. Discovering the dimensional portal that allowed the Troll to arrive on the colony, the Doctor tries to use to defeat the Troll, despite Ben finding the Troll "cute". Ben smashes the portal console and the Doctor realizes the way to defeat the Troll is shout 'Nyarrgh!' back it into the Zero Room and jettison it. Ben continues to say 'Nyarrgh!' to annoy people.

The part of the Troll was played by Sparacus himself.


An Unearthly Planet by Lord Moon

ROSE: Ben... Your eyes. So filled with depth and desire. Something I ain’t not known in no other man.
DOCTOR: I find your treble negatives disturbing.

A three-part story, set after The Shadows of Christmas, with Mickey having joined the TARDIS crew. Detecting a distress signal from the planet Zig-E, the Doctor lands the TARDIS in a jungle but orders Mickey to stay indoors as he is rough and common. The jungle is hot and Ben removes his shirt. Studying some ruins, they fall down a trapdoor into a cell where they are met by Andrew Gynous, Overlord of the Drells (played by David Bowie). Mickey fails spectacularly to rescue them and all the male cast are forced, at knife point, to put on lether thongs and get into the pit of baby oil. Their attempts to escape merely end up removing the thongs. Gynous shows Rose his four-strong army of broken prams, which he calls Mark I Tin Machines. Using a Time Scooper Tron and the sonic screwdriver, the Doctor summons aide in the form of a nude Jamie McCrimmon, who falls on the others and makes them even more oilier, whereupon the story loses all credibility and vanishes in a puff of logic.


Ben Chatham - Day of the Dorbish! by NickB

Stepping outside, Ben shielded his eyes from the sun and walked over the village green where the locals were sacrificing a goat to The Dark Lord. Spying a bus timetable he checked the times and then his watch. He settled himself on the bench to wait the ten minutes for the bus to arrive. In the meantime he watched the festivities on the green. The Dark Lord had arrived but was explaining to the huddled masses that he was not too fond of goat and was thinking of going vegetarian. This did not go down to well with the crowd who told the Dark Lord he was an ungrateful bastard and who did he think he was and asked him whether he thought goats grew on trees or something?

A group of clowns write a letter requesting Ben Chatham travel to their small town where a strange monster has been spotted. At the local pub, The Reutrn of the Jedi and Lettuce, Ben is repeatedly abused by the woman at the desk who seems to believe Ben is her whiny, cry-baby fiancee. The next day, Ben is arrested for indecent exposure when he forgets to get dressed and tries to catch a bus. After being brutally beaten by a police man and forced to wear a nun's wimple, Ben investigates the local church, and is then attacked by something bony.


Stangeness of the Daleks by Dalek Warhol

Ben Chatham was reclining in a moth-eaten armchair, wearing a M&S bathrobe and drinking cheap red wine straight from the cask. He and his long-suffering friend Katie Ryan were staying in his late great-uncle Harry's mansion near the small Scottish town of Stangeness. Katie had at first been wary of returning to the site of WOTAN's attempt to conquer the world, but Ben hadn't listened. This time the trip up was fortunately not marred by the discovery of corpses or the receipt of any kind of ominous warnings from locals, and Ben was finally able to relax.

A sequel to Stangeness, the story begins with Ben pretending to be working class for postmodern amusement. Katie decides Ben is very boring and goes into town where she is captured by a strange man and brought before his masters, the Daleks, who order Katie to be imprisoned.


Ben Chatham's Journal by jett-rink
Boring start to the day. No alien invasions to thwart so spent a few hours passing pan crackers and reading this weeks "Nuts". Feeling depressed because I didnt pull last night so treated myself to a bottle of Head & Shoulders when I went to the garage to get a Ginsters. Me and Jamie are going to see the mighty Saxon play tonight in Barnsley. Playing their "Denim & Leather" album now to get me in the mood. Wondering whether i should wear those leather keks i got from Primark. Whatever we'll have to take the train up because i had to sell the car to pay the fine. Its not fair. How was i supposed to know he was a policeman? I hope the Doctor is ok. I wish he would return my calls. Anyway. Better go. "Scooby-Doo" is on in a minute.


The Punishment of Ben Chatham by Kamin989

Ben Chatham's suspicions of Harold Saxon's landslide victory in the election are founded when two MIBs burst into his house and beat him up. He recovers to find himself in an office where Saxon repeatedly kicks him in the groin and demands to know if Ben was a companion of the Doctor. Ben admits it and then is shot through the heart but Saxon has injected Ben with a strange drug that allows him to survive this hideous fate. Ben is stripped naked and suffers the cat o'nine tails, a cattle prod and then has an explosive strapped to his smoothe chest, exploding him "in a spectacular shower of gore".

The Spartha Jones Annual
Not for Men or Chavs (or Those With Heart Conditions)

As two monks rush into the room the creature lunges at them with its limbs, wraps a long tentacle round their necks and pulls their heads off, blood spurting all over the room and onto Martha. She begins to rub the blood all over herself, moaning softly. "The blood of man!" she screams in orgasmic pleasure "I have dreamed of this joy for too many years! MORE DEATH!"

Containing fiction about the psychotic, sociopathic, alcoholic, man-hating bitch-queen from hell, Spartha Jones as she murders people, sells out Earth to the Daleks, and slaughters an army of Ben Chatham clones. Includes Death Walks to Work by Cameron J Mason (a pilot for the proposed The Magnificent Spartha Jones series), The Mutated Scars by genesisrockz, Smurf Poaching And How To Make It Work For You At Home Or On The Job by Miles Reid and linking material by The Rani. The cover portrayed Martha via an image of Spitting Image's Margaret Thatcher puppet.

The Mutie Saga
The now-completely insane Joshua Wynne embraced Chathamhood following the cult's survival to Gallifrey Base and immediately set to work creating his own "deep" tales to compliment Sparacus.

Black Spring Trilogy
The Sirens of Black Spring
Another Tear Falls
All Mother and the Rising Plague

A series of pretentious drabbles about the Eleventh Doctor and Amy dealing with "Black Spring". In the first they spot a dead baby floating down a river, in the second the Doctor accidentally spreading a plague, while the epic finale has the Doctor and some pygmy tribesfolk climb inside the heavily-pregnant Amy's birth canal, only for her breaking waters to drown the Apocalypse Chaser and thus provide a happy ending.


Timelines (Don't Do It)

A surprisingly well-thought out an credible Doctor Who/Skins crossover where the Tenth Doctor and Ben investigate the first and third series of the cult show and try to defeat some aliens. The plot began to stall when Mutie lost control and had a scene of Hannah Murray's character having sex with a clone of herself, before announcing that he would like to be stabbed by the said character so they could be together.

Tom Wallace - The Anti-Chatham
In a laudable attempt to strike back at the incredible amount of Ben Chatham-related threads on OG, Colin Hicks devised the character of Thomas St John Wallace to be "a less hateful or boring character than Ben Chatham". As Ben Chatham was Adam Rickitt, Tom Wallace was Rafe Spall.

Born on November 23, 1983, Tom Wallace was born in Hastings but his parents moved to the 'nice end' of Worthing, High Salvington, when he was four. His mother Elaine was a managerial-level social worker, and father Glenn is a long-distance lorry driver who played with a pub jazz band in his spare time and both "have aspirations towards being middle-class".

Tom suffered ADHD as a child and moved between various schools because of the resulting behavioural problems. Eventually, he left school without any qualifications and became a crew leader for a furniture removal company. After an industrial injury to his shoulder, he moved to the assistant head of personnel in the company. He also moonlights as a doorman at the Moon On A Stick tavern in Littlehampton High Street, and lives in a flat at Durrell Buildings, Walpole Road, Worthing. He finds himself unable to connect with any women who aren't reminiscent of his mother in some way, and is unsurprisingly single.

Tom is a very good pool player, does the Times crossword in 20 minutes but has little interest in TV or films. He has no time for science fiction or astrology, prefering Championship Manager on his Playstation. He can ride a moped and does so with pride, and is known to get "very shirty" if anyone criticizes him. He is teetotal, a non-smoker but has started taking marijuana-laced cookies to relieve the terrible pain in his shoulder.

Tom has developed "an inverse intellectual snobbery directed towards anyone with qualifications", but will put aside such issues if faced with a problem. He has a practical, can-do attitude and ensures he never shows signs of stress in front of others as he prefers to let off steam in secret. He always carries a screwdriver in his sock in case of emergencies and has mastered the use of a pool cue as a defensive weapon.

"So this character is an ill-educated doorman who plays pool in a local pub," Sparacus decided. "He sounds too much of an everyman to maintain interest. This character is just not educated enough to convince as a hero. He plays pool in rough pubs and no doubt wears check shirts, has tatoos and no doubt listens to the likes of Bruce Springsteen or the Clash.I am not at all snobbish - indeed I cannot abide snobbery - the unjustified putting on of airs by those people who are no better than anyone else. It simply makes life more difficult for those of us who are."

The general consensus was that he was a far more aspirational character than Ben, a pretentious homosexual alcoholic drug addict with shirt wearing issues who gets drunk and listens to Bowie when a crisis occured. The character of Tom was immediately embraced by fans, appearing alongside the Tenth Doctor to fight Cybermen and on countless occasions gatecrashing the endings of Ben Chatham stories to brutally murder the main character with his trademark screwdriver. YOA's Alternative Alternate Season Three would have dropped Ben like a leper-handled landmine to feature Tom as a long-term companion for the Tenth and Eleventh Doctors. Ultimately, Ben Chatham won the battle while Tom was forgotten - but with the increasing stupidity and cruelty of the former, some wonder how anyone could prefer him.

Another proposed Anti-Chatham was Gary Miles' Lee Charlton Bosworth Quaker who was a flightless water fowl of some description - possibly some kind of sentient rubber duck. While graceful in natural water sources, he is a clumsy on dry land but a powerful mimic. Although primary a vegetarian, Lee has been known to eat insects and enjoys the works of Beatrix Potter, Kenneth Grahame and David Attenborough. He did not last as long as either Ben or Tom, despite Sparacus approval at the cultured, mysoginistic and nude character - the non-human angle going right over his head.

Tom Wallace will appear in Colin Hicks's eagerly awaited "Alternate Series 3" scripts, intended as the antithesis to Sparacus's mad scribblings, when The Hicks can overcome his crippling inability to sit at a computer for more than 10 minutes without getting embroiled in OG.

Nevertheless, it seems that the spirit of Tom lived on in a regular character Sparacus created at the end of his annual and used for the rest of the 'canon': Kyle Barry Scott, a hoodie-wearing part-time criminal "played" by Rory Jennings. Lucid, compassionate and with a can-do attitude, the character was incredibly popular with the OG readership with many wishing Ben would be abandoned in favor of his criminal sidekick. Ben undertook the role of 'civilizing' Kyle (or "ASBO boy" as he referred to him) with his usual determination, only for Kyle to regularly point out his "friend's" hypocricy, stupidity and overall worthlessness. Unlike Ben, Kyle was always willing to put himself in danger to save others, and rejected materialistic consumerism and upper-class snobbery.


Ben Chatham's CD Collection
In every installment, Ben often returns home, showers, gets drunk and listens to appalling music, no matter what the situation and these songs consist of:

Low - David Bowie
Heroes - David Bowie
Heathen - David Bowie
Tin Machine - Tin Machine
OK Computer - Radiohead
Kid A - Radiohead
Amnesiac - Radiohead
Viva Hate - Morrissey
Vauxhall & I - Morrissey
The Low & Heroes Symphonies - Philip Glass
Trans-Europe Express - Kraftwerk
Symphonies 2 & 3 - Philip Glass
Secrets of the Beehive - David Sylvian
Stories of Johnny - Marc Almond
Sense of Doubt - Bowie
Violin Concerto - Philip Glass
Symphony Op 21 - Anton Webern
Pathetique' Symphony - Tchaikovsky
Can’t Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue
Firebird - Stravinsky

Outpost Sparacus
Following the release of Sparacus' first season, an OG member called Humbert began to dramatize the synopses as flash vids - animated movies using cut out photos, special effects and music. The dialogue was used as subtitles and the quality of the films (especially the improvement of the original plots) earned Humbert high regard from Sparacus and Outpost Gallifrey. Creating his own website to host the films, Humbert created Outpost Sparacus: http://www.wowbobwow.com/who/.

Outpost Sparacus' design not only parodied Outpost Gallifrey but contained all the information about the flashvids including interviews, scripts and design contents. An opinion forum was constructed and rapidly recieved a flock of OGers joining up. However, Sparacus himself was unable to join the forum as for unknown reasons it refused to allow him to enter his own fan site. Despite some interesting speculation about Ben Chatham in Torchwood and a new Doctor Who companion in the form of Caroline Quentin, the lack of Sparacus lead to the forum being abandoned in less than a year and is no longer online.

The flashvids consisted of the first five Sparacus stories, while a script was written for the sixth it remains unproduced. The stories themselves improve in many ways - the Ben/Rose love angle is pushed firmly into the background and regular characters are treated with more respect - Sarah Jane remained a journalist in War and Peace, for example, and the cop-out ending of Fool's Errand was changed into a down-beat thriller chase. Also introduced was the running theme of 'bad fox' which appeared in all five episodes, usually describing some strange phenomena. The vids are no longer available for viewing and DVD-style covers have been made for the first three stories, and Death in the Cloisters and Lord of the Reedy River.